OUR FRIEND NEEDS SUPPORT

THEY ASKED

Dear Ava K,
I am writing this in a fit of impotent rage, and other juicy (watery?) emotions.  I am betrayed.  I am disappointed.  I am beside myself and lost within myself, consumed by forces beyond my control and plummeting down and into a well of walls, a brick of feathers, a pristine stable of blacklit and imperturbable meth labs.
Drugs have been a problem for me for a long time.  All kinds of drugs, cycling predictably in and out of my life to tag team with and against one another in various configurations.  The good news is I’ve broken the cycle and I won’t dwell on the wherefore and whatnot but I’ve conquered my problem and am mopping up.  So I’m standing there, my newly sensate and responsive tendrils of personality and emotion wiggling their way to the surface, eyes watery, mop in hand, healthy cynicism honed, good natured world weariness purring away under a body glowing with chemical poverty, when a close family member decides to swoop into my sanctum wielding a raging coke problem and a wretched enabling girlfriend and do what coke-addicted couples do, all night, while I try to block out the noises by writing this letter and listening to, what is this, fucking Coldplay remixed by neon indian or something.  Hypemachine.  But yeah.  This family member is going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future.  I see bad things ahead.  Can you inspire on the subject?  Can you use this letter to expand your brand?  Lets make things happen here. 

Sincerely,
Mumra the Everliving (by the grace of God!)

 Toothay Mumra, Toothay. 

That is one heck of a letter.

Yes, I can use this letter to expand my brand.

Indeed let us make things happen. 

There is your answer. 

Keep inspired 24/7!

Totally COOL!

Truly

Ava K

Just kidding. 

Let me tell ya, 

When you started your letter I was a little worried that your problem was going to be you doing drugs.

I'm really glad that this early in the inspiration Biz I don't have to tell you...

Don't do drugs. 

Listen, Ava K is drug free, and that's the way to be if you want the inspiration from the marrow to last to the 'morrow.

So thank God you didn't ask me about your drug problem. I would hate to say

DON'T DO DRUGS!!!

It would make me seem so hedonistic. 

so Third Grade death bed style, 

Which has none of the Glory of Fifth grade. 

Make it to fifth grade, someone will really give you props.

Ok where were We Mumra the EVERLOVING

Ohh I mean Ever Living. 

I am gonna name My First born son the Ever loving IV in terms of heraldry. In terms of if I ever have a first born son....And dont skip right to the fouth. 

ANYWAY

I'm selfish. That's how I entered the Inspiration game MUMRA with a selfish need to control you. SO let me tell you what to do. 

You may not like it. 

The last person I advised...actually argued about the advice I gave so... THAT, honestly, is not how the inspiration game works. You ask. I answer. YOU act like it all makes sense all of a sudden. 

Right?

Nice. 

OK 

MUMRA

I enjoyed your letter. it was really good. 

I'm really proud of you that you are drug free right now. It is the way to be. But it sounds like Through the bloodline you are inheriting some free drugs on The HOUSE

IN your house.

They are the enemy Mom, let's call you Mom sometimes, as a funny joke on your name, Which is Mumra.

Mom, 

Your body is your temple, and so is your house. You also have a temple at the side of your head. Let's show a picture of that one. 

 That's a picture of WIlliam Temple. 

He is your new god, your new Muse to solve this problem of self defense.

He did these things, 

was a priest in the Church of England. He served as Bishop of Manchester (1921–29), Archbishop of York (1929–42), and Archbishop of Canterbury (1942–44).

AND he wants you to Succeed. 

WIlliam Temple is your new Imaginary friend and spiritual Guide.

Here, we just upped your posse Five score. 

Flippin' FABULOUS!!

Maybe you have a bit of a grey area about what is ok and not ok because You are so raw right now. 

Raw like a you know what. 

That's right, like a Holy Mackerel

 But let's say when that was happening last night, with the terrible music....a crime in itself. With the druggin and buggin...

With all that JUNK

You know what Me and The Archbishop of Canterbury would have done?

Beat those suckers up. 

Not because they are Boozin and Loozin, 

But because You are Succeeding and they are SUcceeding in trying to infiltrate your system and Bring you down, down to the ground. 

NO MOM WILL NOT DO THE LIMBO ROCK

and then me and WIlliam Temple would SHOOT them. 

We would. 

I hope I'm allowed to say that. 

I would hate to get imprisoned for that. 

BUT BOY would it up my status in the inspiration game. 

YOu and your JUICY emotions and your Watery emotions are Right when you say. 

 I am betrayed.  I am disappointed. 

You only have one Option Momma, 

You, with William Temple at your side HAVE TO

absolutely HAVE TO

excommunicate these fuckers. 

I am serious. You have to do it and you have to do it now, 

Before they buy your farm. 

You need to be really really mad...regardless of you really are. 

You need to be really really offended, 

even though you may be confuse. 

AND you need to yell at them, and tell them to go away Forever. 

Now the fact that forever doesnt exist in the concrete sense Is between us friends. It doesnt mean FOrever, 

But you need to mean Forever meaning

NO WAY JOSE

BYE. 

BYE BYE.

will not SEE YOU LATER

They are trying to murder you. They are doing a DUI in your face. 

No one may be on your side when you make this decision but you have to make this decsion Fast and Now. Before they actually FUck you up real bad. They don't care about you mom, don't be the mop. Mopping up their poison gross kill. You need them GONE. FOREVER

In the long run, YOu will know the right thing has been done. You need to do it this way and only this way. 

you described...

wretched enabling girlfriend

if you dont tell them to get lost forever, dont call dont write dont telephone... You will be the wretched enabling girlfriend.

You will be her exactly. 

You have to have them gone completely because they are going to kill you. They don't know it yet, they may not Mean to, but they will. 

They will!
If you want to be stupid and say you can't disown your family yadda waka yade doo. 

Then fine. You just tell them they are not allowed in your HOUSE because you and William Temple are conducting services. 

ALL THE TIME.

You also have to never go anywhere with this family member that you wouldn't go with a stranger on craigslist. 

Ok, that depends on how slutty you are. 

Only see them in public places and preferably during the day ONLY. 

DO you understand what I am saying here?

They are gonna molest you. They don't want to maybe, But they will. 

If you give them an inch, they will take a mile.. and barreling down taht mile you will go Naked and goopy sad and fast Hard and Ruined. 

For years you will fall down that Inch they took . 

the infinate angry inch of the Fall of an Angel. 

Am I making my POINT HERE MOM.....comprende. 

Im really serious. 

I dont want to lose you MOM

I dont want to lose you to these fiends , in the depths of their unknowingness, with the gravity of thier Dark night of the SOUL. 

I dont want to lose you. Only you can prevent Forest fires. 

Be the wet Blanket. William Temple and you will go far.

DO you want to be the sucker? Your story will be this...

REDEEMED HIMSELF TO LIFE, then kind of forgot about it when some suckers wanted to party in his house and use his toilet paper and Steal his soul. Ehh, 

HMM?

is that what you want on your grave?

Do you want 'Eh, what ev'

on your grave?

just wondering because I want you to be in the posse that has COol graves.

Beat the Spiral, the life you saved may be your own. 

I know from experience ok... With family. 

Even if they dont revamp your drug problem in a new and exciting way, they will still make your life a living hell. 

They will use you and abuse you....in really creative ways. Just when you think they couldn't get any worse, They will. 

They will do something even stupider. 

SO even if they dont ruin your newly sensate and responsive tendrils of personality and emotion wiggling their way to the surface

they will ruin you some other way. make your life really fucking annoying. 

So like I said. 

You and your spiritual guide should tell them to hit the road Forever or jsut tell them never to come to your house ever again. 

EVER. 

Maybe you are worried about telling them this important set of instructions. 

It is gonna be really hard. Addicts can be really manipulative and they will probably find some way to make your decision seem crazy and Severe. 

They will  make you seem unfair and ridiculous. So mentally prepare, 

YOu really need to make this happen 

Like you said to me,

in the closing of your lovely letter... thank you for writing it....

Lets make things happen here.  
 I'm on your side. So is william Temple. 

if you need some more people to back you up, I'm sure I could find them or invent them. 

 

here at the mtconventus, 

we care about you. 

And you need to Blatantly....Wildly, outragsously

stick up for yourself. 

I know Im reapeating myself, 

but as I mentioned before, In the advice game we all play our own way. 

I like to keep advice Long and Serious. 

You can even pull the sympathy card, feel free to act on yourown behalf. with mr temple by your side. 

Tell them, tell your family..if you are going the symathy route. 

Tell them you have worked so hard for your tenuous sobriety, and you cannot be tempted. 

One slip and you could lose your dream forever, to be a synchronized swimmer. 

Tell them that if they are noisy in your house you have nighmares of never swimming again. 

Or you could just say fuck off. 

DONT BACK DOWN

that is the only rule. 

Dont back Down. 

OK?

Mom, 

This is serious. We dont want to lose you or your sanity. 

So let's change your sentence WE will rewrite the future because you are gonna say no. 

But yeah.  This family member is going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future.  I see bad things ahead.

is now

But NO.  This family member is not going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future.  I see great things ahead.

Get it? got it? GOOD

TOOTHAY!!!

Truly

Ava K