Doctor's Orders.

Dear Ava K,

When I was a small child an old man molested me.  I forgot all about it, but a few years later he tried it again and it all came rushing back. I didn't bother trying to discuss it with my family because they basically adopted me to avail themselves of my orphan's Social Security check, and were very abusive themselves. 

You would think that being molested would screw me up for sex, but actually I am fine with sex.  It screwed me up for DOCTOR VISITS.  More often than not, entering a doctor's office (male or female) makes me go into a very anxious place emotionally and a lot of the time I say or do the wrong thing, or cry.  I have been dismissed from two medical practices for crying.  Did you even know ppl can be "dismissed" from a medical practice?  One of them was my obstetrician!

Today I have no insurance, and I know I have developed a condition that needs treatment.  When I do see a doctor, I will have to pay cash.  So for one thing, I want to keep my head during the visit, and for another, I'm going to ask a lot of the doctor in terms of not sending me to other doctors I can't afford.  What would your advice be on how to feel less awful when seeing a doctor?  I already see a therapist of course.

Dear Inspirational Advice Victim. 

Us here in the inspiration nation are very woeful to hear the backstory of your inspiration plea. Despite of foggy eyes, we recognize that you must be a true child of inspirtation. 

I could see how some faint of inspiration may argue that I am not qualified to answer this inspiration problem. As we know, those people would be wrong. Anyway, you already have a therapist, which I'm glad you specified...now I don't have to give you responsible advice to..."go to a therapist" and I can just give you the inspirational advice which your therapist in unqalified to do. Does your therapist write an inspirational newsletter???

Of course not. 

Its just nice how my qualifications qualitfy themselves. 

Oh yes, enough about me. 

The bassis of your plea is simple. You have a PHOBIA of the doctor. Right? You have all these terrible things that led up to this point that we could never actually solve....BUT, we can get you to the doctor. We cannot solve the past together. We can't even be sure the past is a Problem to be solved or that can be solved. It is purely mathmatical, our complete Lack of abilty. The Great Incompetence we have could melt a planet instantly. 

Isn't it Fine. So Fyne. 

What was I saying. 

I am going to apply a specialized practice to your problem, something your therapist may not  be man enough to do. Well doctors do it all over the place really, they're like flies. Its called EXPOSURE THERAPY and you can even see examples of it on really stupid shows like Maury Povitch. The famous example was the girl who was afraid of pickles. If you haven't youtubed that video yet, maybe you should its hilarious. Shows like this kind of treatment because (A) it works and (B) on the serface it seems really Creul and can create quite a specical. Screaming, rubber snakes, crying, that kind of thing. It can seem very silly, this process of "helping people."  In its defense though, it is not some modern idea, if you think about it its really a form of homepathy and its also rather tantric. I would be good at administering this sort of therapy if I were a recognized physicain (but of course if I were a recognized physician you would be scared of me and would be crying right now.)

At least you didn't waste any money!

CRY BABY.

Just kidding. 

anyway, that was just me indulging in my treatment plan. 

Rolling in the manuer of health. 

So I nicked this treatment plan off an exposure therapy website and I am modifying it for you from fear of dogs to fear of doctors. 

facing a fear of dogs doctors

• Step 1: Draw a dog doctor on a piece of paper.
• Step 2: Read about dogs. DOCTORS
• Step 3: Look at photos of dogs. DOCTORS
• Step 4: Look at videos of dogs.
• Step 5: Look at dogs DOCTORS through a closed window.
• Step 6: Look through a partly-opened window.
• Step 7: Look at them from a doorway.
• Step 8: Move further out from the doorway.
• Step 9: Have a helper bring a dog DOCTOR into a nearby room (on a leash).
• Step 10: Have the helper bring the dog DOCTOR into the same room, still on a leash.
• THIS IS THE PART WHERE I MAKE SOME STUFF UP

Seeing doctors like to get Paid a lot more than dogs do...We need to add some more stipulations and Ideas. 

HURRY HURRY HURRY

to your nearest Halloween store. Its all on clearance. I am not Kidding. Buy a Doctor costume. Whatever it takes, get a doctor costume. Go to a doctor supply store. Get a nurse outfit too. Time for you to be a director, like me. 

I AM GIVING YOU DOCTOR'S ORDERS to play DOCTOR. 

Get your friend to play it at first. As you get more comfortable make the settting more and more realistic. Maybe find someone you know with an office of any kind and go play doctor in the office. You can start with a good friend in the doctor costume but then branch out and get someone you don't know that well to dress up like a doctor and give you a fake check up. My advice though, is don't have anyone you are romantically involved with playing the doctor. That's a little perverse and may cross too many wires for you. 

Anyway, I am not joking. I really think you should do this and I would help you plan it futher but I can't. Maybe sit down with a good friend who wants to help you and get them to administer these exposure therapy tests on you. If you do this treatment agressively, it is possible to become normalized much quicker than you imagined. Within one to three days you should start changing and mellowing out on the doctor fear. I'm sorry to say this, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but if you are afraid to go to the gyno you should probably get someone at the very least get you with your legs open on a table. 


The details of this event are up to you but I think the close you get to Playing the realty, the better your chances of going to the doctor without being banned and wasting money. You know, I'm only saying that you should do that because, that where it gets really perverse and I'm willing to vouch for the fact that, I think thats a important part of the treatment. I'm sorry. Remember, treatments aren't meant to be comfortable. You have to live through the fear. Remember, its not a real doctor and you are in control of the situation. Oh yeah, that reminds me, besides someone playing doctor you will also need some kind of coach, to remind you "This is all a dream."


I am not saying this is a good idea but, when I cast a short vid or a long vid, you would be surprised how many actors (when given a challenging role) are willing to act for free. Like I said, make sure you have a good friend to supervise. 


Something you probably thought of already but I so want to put that out there that maybe getting a female doctor would help???

This isn't an easy prescription but its the only kind of advice I can give you that I think will work. 

My video about health concerns

I too have no insurance and I used some of the inspiration of having a medical problem with no help of diagnosis in my latest video. ALthough I really exaggerated my medical problem on the video, its really scary to be sick and know you can't do anything about it. I hope you do try my treatment method. 


I also encourage you to look up this type of treatment for phobias and undertake it in a serious way. 

Remember, despite how understandable your fear is, it is actually irrational. 

NOW go play doctor. 

Doctor's Orders!!