MUTHER FUCKIN internet addict.

THEY ASKED


dear ava,

i have a serious problem. i spend too much fucking time on the internet. between my tumblr, youtube, livejournal, facebook and gmail it just adds up to hours wasted during the day. it doesn't help that where i live, the weather is shit and i never want to leave the house unless i have to.

also, i tend to swear way too fucking much. can you please tell me how i can remedy these situations?

thank you,

an internet addict.


MY ANSWER

Dear addict of the world...
There are many shapes and sizes, addicted to different fumes and specific colors.
DEAR INTERNET ADDICT,

Youre welcome!
YOU KNOW you are not alone. A lot of people have this PROBLEM...a lot of people would refer to it not as a problem but as Modern society,
YOu are right though.
It is a problem.

Sounds like you keep busy on a lot of different sites. Some people call this social internet or something. I have like 4 email addresses.
let me give you some steps to follow. these are called the infinite Cs

• CONSIDER
  
• compliment.
• condemn
  
• cry
  
• CONSOLIDATE
• CONFISCATE
• CORRECT
• COMMIT
  

INternet addict. CONSIDER why you like the internet and what you need it for. You probably really like it. The internet is Cool. It saves so much paper.
WRITE A LIST OF WHAT ID MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU ABOUT THE INTERNET
here is the catch
DOnt write your list on the internet or in a blog or in a word processor. WRITE IT ON PAPER.
I dont care if you waste five sheets of paper or pee yourself in agony of using your hand.
WRITE WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT THE INTERNET ON PAPER

because of your complex relationship with the internet. this may be hard at first. ONLY WRITE GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE INTERNET.
THIS stage IS CALLED COMPLIMENT where wouldnt you be without the internet?
what riches has it given you.
HOW does it feel against your skin?
how is it unlike anyone else.
WHAT OPPORTUNITIES has it given you

NEXT STEP
CONDEMN THE INTERNET
on paper. USE YOUR SKILL OF SWEARING
how does it rob you, make you dependent.
BLIND YOU
confine you
KILL YOU
rape you
DISFIGURE YOUR SOUL

nextt........

CRYYYYYYYY! cry. cry about it. you need to morn this complex relationship.
yell and let it out.

The internet is real.

consolidate.
seriously list all the site you use regularly and what you use them for.
is there some way you could combine or get rid of a site or two?

try to get rid of one thing, but if you really cant that is fine. you dont have to break up with the internet...but get some clarity on which site you need for what.

GET SPecific about it.

CONFISCATE.
the point here internet addict, is to save yourself from this over identification to reconnect with yourself.
the internet is really not a human. its a tool.
CONFISCATE yourself. separate your identity from the internet.
instead of writing your blog on the computer... CORRECT the connection with the physical world.
Write your blog on paper before you type it. Go somewhere to write your blog perhaps. ON paper. not on your laptop.

Get on schedule. you are lacking structure.
Post your feelings or whatever the heck you talk about online ONLY once a day at a specific time.
IF YOU MISS THAT TIME
oops
too bad.
you are gonna have to wait to do it till tomorrow.
The plan here is to get some of the dialogue back into your head, and off the screen.

Feeling confined to the house in these winter months sucks. Keep in mind though that a lot of people are in a similar position...But these people probably are hating it too. you are in bad company on the internet. a lot of the time.

tesla says to get a sunlamps. she also says humans are one of the FEW ANIMALS TOO STUPID TO HYBERNATE
so you should sit under as sunlamp because thats what plants would do if they were alive.

I dont really see swearing too much a problem.

But if you really think it is EVERY TIME YOU SWEAR you have to do a choreographed dance that lasts at least 15 seconds.
as soon as you swear, no keeping track and dancing later.
YOU SWEAR YOU DANCE
MOTHER FUCKER.

truly
AVA K
master of inspirational consultation.
EXTRAORDINAIRE