Hair Attention Makes Me Sad.

Dear Ava K, 

I started a new job 3 weeks ago, teaching private preschool at a country club. My immediate supervisor is a personal trainer in the fitness department.

I have cool hair and I wear it many different ways. This is partially because I have a long commute and no time to blow-dry every day. Anyway, Feri, my supervisor, has a need to comment on my hairstyle almost every day. It is always a compliment: 


"I like your two buns!" 


 "I like your little piggies!"

I know her motive is to say something nice. But her constant assessments make me feel conspicuous, self-conscious, and judged. When I do my hair in the morning I think about what she will say! I kind of dread seeing her, and I'm afraid I'll get overannoyed and pop off with some flip remark that will sound snarky.

Whether the solution is finding the right thing to say to her, or finding the right way to think about her comments, I am on board! You are great at advice! Tell me what you think please!


Dear Inspiration Victim, 


My first reaction was to think...
"Well, you should just ignore her."


Then I thought, well, your problem is that you can't ignore her. She is bothering you and, in her own way, she is insulting you. No matter what you do, she is noting it, and there is something invasive about that. Maybe you are just feeling self conscious, either way, you can get her to mind her own hair. Its hair-do able.


I commend you for being patient while you find out some way to deal with this rather than snarkiness, although, every now and then, who can help but be snippy. If this bit of advice I give you doesn't work...maybe you should just be a little bitchy and let her know what's up. Its not that big of a deal.


I can relate to your problem in my own way. I once had a job that was very image conscious and sometimes my manager would send me to the bathroom to change my outfit, fix my flyways, or put on different shoes. I felt like a human extension of her own OCD. It made me feel inhuman. I feel like you are feeling similar; like her compliments aren't complements but knee jerk reactions that are jerking you the wrong way.


I have thought of this strategy for you to use, and even if it doesn't "work",  I think that it will empower you.


Next time she comments on your hair, which will probably be the next time you see her (based on what you told me she doesn't miss a style) be her mirror. Every time she compliments you, compliment her right back on something really specific--something that catches her off guard. Don't just tell her you like the color of her shirt, tell her her earlobes are a pleasing shape. 


"I'm glad you like my pigtails. I have to tell you, your earlobes are a really pleasing shape."

The next day she compliments you, pick another awkward compliment, and deliver it as sincerely as possible.


"Yes, thank you for noticing my bun. I am noticing that the size of your necklace really makes your eyes look big."


Keep this up. Soon she will realize every time she fires you a compliment, the lens is going to be pointed right back at her. Now remember, make the compliments you give her really specific. Make her feel really looked at.


I think that after a few run ins, that strategy will work. If that doesn't work, you can also try to combat her compliments by putting her to the challenge. 


"I noticed you like my hair almost every day. How about after school I teach you how I do my hair styles. Maybe you want to try them out one day. Here, take my phone number. Let's do a hair workshop."

If her hair isn't long enough to style tell her you will teach her how and she can do it on her nieces. Something silly like that. The idea is to make her think that if she obsesses over your hair, you are going to make her accountable for loving it.  If she loves your hair that much, let her prove it. Chances are she will shy away from the topic in the future to avoid going to your hair academy.


Last ditch effort...after you try all the other options, tell her you actually have hair plugs. Tell her you have female pattern baldness and that these are the styles where it shows the least. You wish that you could wear your hair down but you are too worried the baldness may show. Ask her if she has noticed her bald spots. Chances are she will shy away from your hair in the future.


If none of that works--just tell her you appreciate her compliments but compliments make you feel uncomfortable and it would be better for you if she didn't comment. She will probably feel awkward to be called out but, she will get over it quick. You can say it in a nice way. 


That's it. 
I totally solved your problem. 




I can be sure, one or all of these methods will work. 


Now go forth inspired.


Truly
Ava K Lovemaker


Keep Rocking that Hair on the DL

Doctor's Orders.

Dear Ava K,

When I was a small child an old man molested me.  I forgot all about it, but a few years later he tried it again and it all came rushing back. I didn't bother trying to discuss it with my family because they basically adopted me to avail themselves of my orphan's Social Security check, and were very abusive themselves. 

You would think that being molested would screw me up for sex, but actually I am fine with sex.  It screwed me up for DOCTOR VISITS.  More often than not, entering a doctor's office (male or female) makes me go into a very anxious place emotionally and a lot of the time I say or do the wrong thing, or cry.  I have been dismissed from two medical practices for crying.  Did you even know ppl can be "dismissed" from a medical practice?  One of them was my obstetrician!

Today I have no insurance, and I know I have developed a condition that needs treatment.  When I do see a doctor, I will have to pay cash.  So for one thing, I want to keep my head during the visit, and for another, I'm going to ask a lot of the doctor in terms of not sending me to other doctors I can't afford.  What would your advice be on how to feel less awful when seeing a doctor?  I already see a therapist of course.

Dear Inspirational Advice Victim. 

Us here in the inspiration nation are very woeful to hear the backstory of your inspiration plea. Despite of foggy eyes, we recognize that you must be a true child of inspirtation. 

I could see how some faint of inspiration may argue that I am not qualified to answer this inspiration problem. As we know, those people would be wrong. Anyway, you already have a therapist, which I'm glad you specified...now I don't have to give you responsible advice to..."go to a therapist" and I can just give you the inspirational advice which your therapist in unqalified to do. Does your therapist write an inspirational newsletter???

Of course not. 

Its just nice how my qualifications qualitfy themselves. 

Oh yes, enough about me. 

The bassis of your plea is simple. You have a PHOBIA of the doctor. Right? You have all these terrible things that led up to this point that we could never actually solve....BUT, we can get you to the doctor. We cannot solve the past together. We can't even be sure the past is a Problem to be solved or that can be solved. It is purely mathmatical, our complete Lack of abilty. The Great Incompetence we have could melt a planet instantly. 

Isn't it Fine. So Fyne. 

What was I saying. 

I am going to apply a specialized practice to your problem, something your therapist may not  be man enough to do. Well doctors do it all over the place really, they're like flies. Its called EXPOSURE THERAPY and you can even see examples of it on really stupid shows like Maury Povitch. The famous example was the girl who was afraid of pickles. If you haven't youtubed that video yet, maybe you should its hilarious. Shows like this kind of treatment because (A) it works and (B) on the serface it seems really Creul and can create quite a specical. Screaming, rubber snakes, crying, that kind of thing. It can seem very silly, this process of "helping people."  In its defense though, it is not some modern idea, if you think about it its really a form of homepathy and its also rather tantric. I would be good at administering this sort of therapy if I were a recognized physicain (but of course if I were a recognized physician you would be scared of me and would be crying right now.)

At least you didn't waste any money!

CRY BABY.

Just kidding. 

anyway, that was just me indulging in my treatment plan. 

Rolling in the manuer of health. 

So I nicked this treatment plan off an exposure therapy website and I am modifying it for you from fear of dogs to fear of doctors. 

facing a fear of dogs doctors

• Step 1: Draw a dog doctor on a piece of paper.
• Step 2: Read about dogs. DOCTORS
• Step 3: Look at photos of dogs. DOCTORS
• Step 4: Look at videos of dogs.
• Step 5: Look at dogs DOCTORS through a closed window.
• Step 6: Look through a partly-opened window.
• Step 7: Look at them from a doorway.
• Step 8: Move further out from the doorway.
• Step 9: Have a helper bring a dog DOCTOR into a nearby room (on a leash).
• Step 10: Have the helper bring the dog DOCTOR into the same room, still on a leash.
• THIS IS THE PART WHERE I MAKE SOME STUFF UP

Seeing doctors like to get Paid a lot more than dogs do...We need to add some more stipulations and Ideas. 

HURRY HURRY HURRY

to your nearest Halloween store. Its all on clearance. I am not Kidding. Buy a Doctor costume. Whatever it takes, get a doctor costume. Go to a doctor supply store. Get a nurse outfit too. Time for you to be a director, like me. 

I AM GIVING YOU DOCTOR'S ORDERS to play DOCTOR. 

Get your friend to play it at first. As you get more comfortable make the settting more and more realistic. Maybe find someone you know with an office of any kind and go play doctor in the office. You can start with a good friend in the doctor costume but then branch out and get someone you don't know that well to dress up like a doctor and give you a fake check up. My advice though, is don't have anyone you are romantically involved with playing the doctor. That's a little perverse and may cross too many wires for you. 

Anyway, I am not joking. I really think you should do this and I would help you plan it futher but I can't. Maybe sit down with a good friend who wants to help you and get them to administer these exposure therapy tests on you. If you do this treatment agressively, it is possible to become normalized much quicker than you imagined. Within one to three days you should start changing and mellowing out on the doctor fear. I'm sorry to say this, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but if you are afraid to go to the gyno you should probably get someone at the very least get you with your legs open on a table. 


The details of this event are up to you but I think the close you get to Playing the realty, the better your chances of going to the doctor without being banned and wasting money. You know, I'm only saying that you should do that because, that where it gets really perverse and I'm willing to vouch for the fact that, I think thats a important part of the treatment. I'm sorry. Remember, treatments aren't meant to be comfortable. You have to live through the fear. Remember, its not a real doctor and you are in control of the situation. Oh yeah, that reminds me, besides someone playing doctor you will also need some kind of coach, to remind you "This is all a dream."


I am not saying this is a good idea but, when I cast a short vid or a long vid, you would be surprised how many actors (when given a challenging role) are willing to act for free. Like I said, make sure you have a good friend to supervise. 


Something you probably thought of already but I so want to put that out there that maybe getting a female doctor would help???

This isn't an easy prescription but its the only kind of advice I can give you that I think will work. 

My video about health concerns

I too have no insurance and I used some of the inspiration of having a medical problem with no help of diagnosis in my latest video. ALthough I really exaggerated my medical problem on the video, its really scary to be sick and know you can't do anything about it. I hope you do try my treatment method. 


I also encourage you to look up this type of treatment for phobias and undertake it in a serious way. 

Remember, despite how understandable your fear is, it is actually irrational. 

NOW go play doctor. 

Doctor's Orders!! 

BOYFRIEND CHEATING ON YOU WITH HIS DAD??

My boyfriend and I had a tumultuous long-distance relationship for about three years.  He often did not tell the truth about his interactions with other girls, so one day I broke it off.

We were apart for a year, and I was miserable every second.  Meanwhile, he incurred some really bad debts with Unemployment Compensation and with a number of check cashing places.  We got back together, and a short time later, my boyfriend moved into an apartment with his Dad, ostensibly because Dad needed a roommate for financial reasons.

The four months since then were fine, but then about a week ago my boyfriend started acting weird.  We aren't talking on the phone except for a 2-minute check-in here and there.  While IMing, my bf told me his dad had started giving him a lot of flak about money, the choices my bf makes, and how bf spends his time.  He also said work is super busy now and he's feeling really harried.  Then he said, "I don't know if I have the energy for a relationship right now."  We have not officially broken up, but I was definitely unhappy to hear this.

What do guys mean when they say something like that, in your opinion?  Obviously I suspect my bf's Dad may have moved him in with the ulterior motive of supervising him more, which blows, as bf is 30 years old.  Should I try to talk to my bf, or just wait till the wind changes?  And how does one assert herself in the right way, when the challenge to the relationship is bf's Dad, who is his favorite family member?  That is three

?uestions, so I hope you will address them all like they used to tell us to do in college essay days.
---------------------------------

Certainly. I will indeed answer this thoughtfully and completely.
I really don't think I will be telling you much that you want to hear. I get it sister. You got used to this Boyfriend of yours, and you like him. Well, time to hear MY OPINION of him. hehe.

First off. Do you realize how many times this Boy Friends Dad topic comes up? This is not normal. Your boyfriend's dad may as well be the other woman. 

So remember back when you guys were long distance and he was cheating on you? He still is. With his dad. At the very least. He's not cheating on you Sexually with his dad, but he is mentally by having his partnership and loyalties lie more heavily with his dad than with you. It's not right.

Your boyfriend sure has an excuse for everything. And he seems to be thinking of himself a lot. Unless he is think about his dad. This isn't normal, not even if he were fifteen would it be normal. But he is twice that, he is 30. Why doesn't any of his excuses have anything to do with you? What do you get??

You need to watch this. 

I don't get it. How is it he can do less than nothing, and he still gets your dedication.

You really deserve a better return on investment.

Let's talk about him some more.

You know how he is in trouble for stealing unemployment or whatever he did. That's not cool. Its not so bad that he is stealing from the government, the problem is that he thought that he wouldn't get caught.  He shows some really obvious signs of being an all around dishonest person. I hate to tell you this, but it is a serious possibility he is still cheating on you. All his disinterest...
Check cashing places. I hate to be the first person to tell you this, and I don't mean it to put anyone down...But I just want you to know. From an outside perspective, No sane person would want to grab your boyfriend with a ten foot pole.


I'm sorry.

You Caught a dud.

He can't be this much of a fuck up and still treat you like shit. He hasn't earned that right. No wonder he treats you so bad. He has no idea how luck he is to have you. He is drowning in his own world of darkness...self pity...Stealing.
And of course let's add his undying love for his father into the mix.
NOT A PRETTY PICTURE

Did you consider that maybe Your boyfriend wanted to move in with his dad? Not even that his Dad wanted him to move in with him?
Yeah.

Maybe he moved in with his dad so he can steal and cheat more.

I wouldn't be surprise.

LISTEN

I believe in second chances. I really do. But I think that people who fuck up should be bold and rightous when correcting their mistakes. Not whiney with lots of EXCUSES about his dad.

Let his Dad fix his problems then. He doesn't have the right to complain to  you.

I officially REVOKE his right to complain to you. He sucks. I also want him to return all his Christmans presents he got as a child. He obviously was on the bad list the last couple years.

Then he said, "I don't know if I have the energy for a relationship right now."  We have not officially broken up, but I was definitely unhappy to hear this.

What does he mean by this???

 He means Exactly what he said.
I'm sorry. He means what he said. There is no room for interpretation...
I totally understand why you don't want to hear that. Why you want to interpret it as something else...

He just happens to be a Pussy. 
Instead of saying "I don't have energy for a relationship right now"
he is using Puss Face talk by saying "i don't know"


What does he know then??? What does he know? Does he know that you desserve better? Because I know that you do. 
You're a person, not an optional side of fries. You have given him so much time and understanding of all his flaws fuckups and incest...
And he gives you I don't know?
Fuck him. 
Really. 


I know its a lot easier for me to tell you he is Done than it is for you to understand it. You put a lot into him that you don't want to give up...but what has he done with the love you give him?


It appears to me he takes it, and he gives it to his dad.
Its lame.


If he were in a sitcom his character would be a loser.


YOu can't debate that...That is a fact.

And how does one assert herself in the right way, when the challenge to the relationship is bf's Dad, who is his favorite family member? 


Listen. If you have to compete with his dad, game is over. You and his dad should not be in the same catagory.

I am sorry, I know it's not gonna be easy. You need to walk away. And I hope he doesn't chase after you. Which he probably eventually will....for the same reason he doesn't want to outright dump you....you are too nice to have around. You do anything for him. Why would he dump you. You're like a free cow with tons of milk. You even feed yourself.

I would never do what he has done. It is UTTER(cow)ly ridiculous.   If my parents ever tried to make me ruin my relationship and life by telling me where to live and what to do....I would think they went insane!!!
And I would say No way Hose!
You need to start shifting your priorities Sista.
If he were the guy for you he would realize that you are probably the only good thing about his life, and he would thank the Lord you were there for him when he got home from his shitty job...
But he's giving all his love to his father.

Its Over.

Ps>>>

Let me beat you to the punch.  

If you are thinking Ava, dear ava. You misunderstood. Don't you realize how much we love eachother? I forgot to tell you about the time he said I was pretty. OR"its more complicated than that ava...."

Well let me tell you. 

Nothing you could tell me that you add to this picture could make him good enough for you. 

I don't care if he is your soul mate or he is the sexiest ride in town.

Nothing. If it's more complicated, its too complicated, and It is OVER.

Whether or not you will take my advice is all you need to figure out. 

ERRUPTIVE INSPIRATION

THEY ASKED
Soon, I will be going to a volcano.  If you have any thoughts on volcanoes

I said:

Volcanoes. Volcanoes. Volcanoes.
 arent volcanoes rather frightening.
arent they?
its so rare that they explode or ooze... and whatever. 
Arent they linked to earthquakes sometimes. With platetectonics
Those are scary too.  
lets say a word together, Outloud.
MAGMA
MAGMA
LAVA, MAGMA
VOLCANO
ERUPTION 
terrestrial planets  
magma chamber 
 subduction zones  
  Vesuvius
volcanic ash 
Vulcan, the Roman god of FIRE

VULCANOLOGY


ok that was several words. But wasnt it good.
I love Werner Herzog. 
I dont know how he became the person I trust so much in life. 
anyway, take his volcanic activity, ALTHOUGH, maybe you already have, but let's cherish it together. 
HERZOG VOLCANO MAN 
La Soufrière is, as Herzog explains, a documentary of an unavoidable catastrophe that didn’t happen. When Herzog learned in 1977 that the volcano, La Soufrière, on the small Caribbean island of Guadaloupe was about to explode and that one man had decided to stay behind, he assembled a small and daring crew and went to interview the man. Once on the evacuated island, Herzog wanders though the empty streets of Guadaloupe’s capital overrun by donkeys and starving dogs. He eventually makes his way, in a feat of either glaring stupidity or daring bravado, to the crater, but is forced to turn back by a plume of toxic fumes. When he does locate the “last man remaining” he finds that there are in fact several men, all homeless and all unafraid of the looming danger.

What makes La Soufrière a particularly beguiling film is Herzog’s banal tone. As is clear, almost from the outset, the volcano didn’t erupt. Yet Herzog insists that during his entire time of the island, the ground shook and the volcano may have been minutes from exploding. In hindsight, he realizes the idiocy of his traveling there and attempting to capture the explosion, the idiocy of sacrificing himself and his crew for apocalyptic footage and some insight into the meaning of life and death. What he comes away with is a striking rumination on absurdity.

While Herzog insists that there is no difference between his fictional and his non-fictional films, it is evident that in the real world, the world that has boundaries, the foolishness, the audacity and the madness that Herzog seeks at the heart of human existence is much closer to the surface than any of us truly realize.

Akas: Die Große Ekstase des Bildschnitzers Steiner, La Soufrière - Warten auf eine unausweichliche Katastrophe.



WHAT ELSE COULD I SAY, 
my dear friend. 
but, enjoy the volcano , 
and I love Werner.


truly ava k

action plan d

 THEY SAID


I have an odd question and I thought maybe you'd be the one to understand it.
I recently got over a bad case of seriousness. You know, I had to remind myself what a huge liar I was and what a big joke life is. So to keep up the momentum of fun I changed my entire schedule around. I woke up at 7 and had a huge bowl of raisin bran. I was excited because it was a new style for me. A WHOLE day that was new. But then, I had some personal problems with my family that killed my buzz, a real misery downpour. Do people kill your buzz? Is there any way to avoid it? Fight through it? I have solutions to keep going. I'd just like to know if there are preventive measures.
Tomorrow I think I'm gonna find a particular cup with a particular spot. Keep the challenges going. Today's was stay up an entire day without taking a nap.


I said:


You're right, Let's call you Action D, You're right action D....I do understand you.
I would like to first commend you for your use of problem solving. Getting over a case of seriousness...and inmplementing action stradegies such as changing your entire schedual is impressive. That shows a lot of consideration for yourself and how the mind works.
TOOTHAY to you action D
I like the Raisin Bran Plan, man. Its genius.  Maybe next time you try it you should wear a funny hat while you eat the bran.
I would try your plan, but it wouldn't work for me. Something that maybe could work for me... as a plan D...
Well, honestly D-Money, I too am hurldeling over some extreme seriousness. I too am building personal divergence tactics to make it through the next day.
Through today.
Life is a big joke Action D, But that doesn't make you a liar. We honestly believe this stuff sometimes. Its more like we are being tricked than like we are lying.


So to your question, your personal Question about me.
Do people kill your buzz? Is there any way to avoid it? Fight through it?

Yes People kill my buzz.

A lot. 

In fact sometimes there is no Buzz to be killed, yet Something inside me still dies in response to outside stimulous.

If there was a club in which you get a stamp for everytime some schooze hound pissed on my parade I would have a free gallon of milk by now

I think you see my point. Action D. In fact you may say...i took it a step too far into feeling sorry for myself. 

Probably true.  It felt good though. I knew it was  happening and I played the part. I put on the cheese hat and acted like the cheese with the hat. 

What is with the dairy examples. Is dairy exploited everywhere?

Anyway. 

Well you started it with the cereal. Did you use soy Action D? because if you did it is all my FAULT.

hehe

Is there any way to avoid people killing your internal joys?

Smashing your spleen of good riddance?

No. 

What is alive, will die. 

WHat kind of death is all we will learn to know. 

Unless we never see it coming. 

I have written personal essays on this topic. 

This "advice" is so boring it really isnt advice. If there are certain people who cause problems and sadness more than others, consider keeping them away from you. 

One way to fight through is it for you to stay calm as possible. To speak your mind as clearly as possible. 

And to not get involved as much as possible. 

And to become less and less involved. 

Pretty boring. 

People who fuck up your life a lot can be needy and therefore addictive. 

People who need people. are the luckiest people. And if you watch funny girl you will see, that is an ironic song. I watched that recently. 

Unless you want to hide your love away. 

like that beatles song. 

anyway that wont help you because you will be an old maid if you hide your love away. 

its better to be buised and beaten and howling. 

ALTHOUGH being bruised and beaten and howling, isnt very good.  I just think it happens a lot. 

If you do it right, and authentically...you will try not to do it again. 

Just make sure you endure the realities of whats going on, then you probably will get a red light in your head when old tapes keep replaying. 

Which i think is happening for you and you are thinking, 

what could i do to prevent this....

I dont know is cereal is the answer, but it doesnt hurt. 

YOu strengthening your sense of well being in your own way may help you in other situations. 

A cup in a spot sounds like a good idea. 

Not taking a nap is a great idea. 

I never nap. 

Never. 

anyway. 

hopefully I didnt give you any useful advice here. 

I will continue to go through my day like a zombie. 

maybe

Action Plan D

carry on. 

truly

AVA K

OUR FRIEND NEEDS SUPPORT

THEY ASKED

Dear Ava K,
I am writing this in a fit of impotent rage, and other juicy (watery?) emotions.  I am betrayed.  I am disappointed.  I am beside myself and lost within myself, consumed by forces beyond my control and plummeting down and into a well of walls, a brick of feathers, a pristine stable of blacklit and imperturbable meth labs.
Drugs have been a problem for me for a long time.  All kinds of drugs, cycling predictably in and out of my life to tag team with and against one another in various configurations.  The good news is I’ve broken the cycle and I won’t dwell on the wherefore and whatnot but I’ve conquered my problem and am mopping up.  So I’m standing there, my newly sensate and responsive tendrils of personality and emotion wiggling their way to the surface, eyes watery, mop in hand, healthy cynicism honed, good natured world weariness purring away under a body glowing with chemical poverty, when a close family member decides to swoop into my sanctum wielding a raging coke problem and a wretched enabling girlfriend and do what coke-addicted couples do, all night, while I try to block out the noises by writing this letter and listening to, what is this, fucking Coldplay remixed by neon indian or something.  Hypemachine.  But yeah.  This family member is going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future.  I see bad things ahead.  Can you inspire on the subject?  Can you use this letter to expand your brand?  Lets make things happen here. 

Sincerely,
Mumra the Everliving (by the grace of God!)

 Toothay Mumra, Toothay. 

That is one heck of a letter.

Yes, I can use this letter to expand my brand.

Indeed let us make things happen. 

There is your answer. 

Keep inspired 24/7!

Totally COOL!

Truly

Ava K

Just kidding. 

Let me tell ya, 

When you started your letter I was a little worried that your problem was going to be you doing drugs.

I'm really glad that this early in the inspiration Biz I don't have to tell you...

Don't do drugs. 

Listen, Ava K is drug free, and that's the way to be if you want the inspiration from the marrow to last to the 'morrow.

So thank God you didn't ask me about your drug problem. I would hate to say

DON'T DO DRUGS!!!

It would make me seem so hedonistic. 

so Third Grade death bed style, 

Which has none of the Glory of Fifth grade. 

Make it to fifth grade, someone will really give you props.

Ok where were We Mumra the EVERLOVING

Ohh I mean Ever Living. 

I am gonna name My First born son the Ever loving IV in terms of heraldry. In terms of if I ever have a first born son....And dont skip right to the fouth. 

ANYWAY

I'm selfish. That's how I entered the Inspiration game MUMRA with a selfish need to control you. SO let me tell you what to do. 

You may not like it. 

The last person I advised...actually argued about the advice I gave so... THAT, honestly, is not how the inspiration game works. You ask. I answer. YOU act like it all makes sense all of a sudden. 

Right?

Nice. 

OK 

MUMRA

I enjoyed your letter. it was really good. 

I'm really proud of you that you are drug free right now. It is the way to be. But it sounds like Through the bloodline you are inheriting some free drugs on The HOUSE

IN your house.

They are the enemy Mom, let's call you Mom sometimes, as a funny joke on your name, Which is Mumra.

Mom, 

Your body is your temple, and so is your house. You also have a temple at the side of your head. Let's show a picture of that one. 

 That's a picture of WIlliam Temple. 

He is your new god, your new Muse to solve this problem of self defense.

He did these things, 

was a priest in the Church of England. He served as Bishop of Manchester (1921–29), Archbishop of York (1929–42), and Archbishop of Canterbury (1942–44).

AND he wants you to Succeed. 

WIlliam Temple is your new Imaginary friend and spiritual Guide.

Here, we just upped your posse Five score. 

Flippin' FABULOUS!!

Maybe you have a bit of a grey area about what is ok and not ok because You are so raw right now. 

Raw like a you know what. 

That's right, like a Holy Mackerel

 But let's say when that was happening last night, with the terrible music....a crime in itself. With the druggin and buggin...

With all that JUNK

You know what Me and The Archbishop of Canterbury would have done?

Beat those suckers up. 

Not because they are Boozin and Loozin, 

But because You are Succeeding and they are SUcceeding in trying to infiltrate your system and Bring you down, down to the ground. 

NO MOM WILL NOT DO THE LIMBO ROCK

and then me and WIlliam Temple would SHOOT them. 

We would. 

I hope I'm allowed to say that. 

I would hate to get imprisoned for that. 

BUT BOY would it up my status in the inspiration game. 

YOu and your JUICY emotions and your Watery emotions are Right when you say. 

 I am betrayed.  I am disappointed. 

You only have one Option Momma, 

You, with William Temple at your side HAVE TO

absolutely HAVE TO

excommunicate these fuckers. 

I am serious. You have to do it and you have to do it now, 

Before they buy your farm. 

You need to be really really mad...regardless of you really are. 

You need to be really really offended, 

even though you may be confuse. 

AND you need to yell at them, and tell them to go away Forever. 

Now the fact that forever doesnt exist in the concrete sense Is between us friends. It doesnt mean FOrever, 

But you need to mean Forever meaning

NO WAY JOSE

BYE. 

BYE BYE.

will not SEE YOU LATER

They are trying to murder you. They are doing a DUI in your face. 

No one may be on your side when you make this decision but you have to make this decsion Fast and Now. Before they actually FUck you up real bad. They don't care about you mom, don't be the mop. Mopping up their poison gross kill. You need them GONE. FOREVER

In the long run, YOu will know the right thing has been done. You need to do it this way and only this way. 

you described...

wretched enabling girlfriend

if you dont tell them to get lost forever, dont call dont write dont telephone... You will be the wretched enabling girlfriend.

You will be her exactly. 

You have to have them gone completely because they are going to kill you. They don't know it yet, they may not Mean to, but they will. 

They will!
If you want to be stupid and say you can't disown your family yadda waka yade doo. 

Then fine. You just tell them they are not allowed in your HOUSE because you and William Temple are conducting services. 

ALL THE TIME.

You also have to never go anywhere with this family member that you wouldn't go with a stranger on craigslist. 

Ok, that depends on how slutty you are. 

Only see them in public places and preferably during the day ONLY. 

DO you understand what I am saying here?

They are gonna molest you. They don't want to maybe, But they will. 

If you give them an inch, they will take a mile.. and barreling down taht mile you will go Naked and goopy sad and fast Hard and Ruined. 

For years you will fall down that Inch they took . 

the infinate angry inch of the Fall of an Angel. 

Am I making my POINT HERE MOM.....comprende. 

Im really serious. 

I dont want to lose you MOM

I dont want to lose you to these fiends , in the depths of their unknowingness, with the gravity of thier Dark night of the SOUL. 

I dont want to lose you. Only you can prevent Forest fires. 

Be the wet Blanket. William Temple and you will go far.

DO you want to be the sucker? Your story will be this...

REDEEMED HIMSELF TO LIFE, then kind of forgot about it when some suckers wanted to party in his house and use his toilet paper and Steal his soul. Ehh, 

HMM?

is that what you want on your grave?

Do you want 'Eh, what ev'

on your grave?

just wondering because I want you to be in the posse that has COol graves.

Beat the Spiral, the life you saved may be your own. 

I know from experience ok... With family. 

Even if they dont revamp your drug problem in a new and exciting way, they will still make your life a living hell. 

They will use you and abuse you....in really creative ways. Just when you think they couldn't get any worse, They will. 

They will do something even stupider. 

SO even if they dont ruin your newly sensate and responsive tendrils of personality and emotion wiggling their way to the surface

they will ruin you some other way. make your life really fucking annoying. 

So like I said. 

You and your spiritual guide should tell them to hit the road Forever or jsut tell them never to come to your house ever again. 

EVER. 

Maybe you are worried about telling them this important set of instructions. 

It is gonna be really hard. Addicts can be really manipulative and they will probably find some way to make your decision seem crazy and Severe. 

They will  make you seem unfair and ridiculous. So mentally prepare, 

YOu really need to make this happen 

Like you said to me,

in the closing of your lovely letter... thank you for writing it....

Lets make things happen here.  
 I'm on your side. So is william Temple. 

if you need some more people to back you up, I'm sure I could find them or invent them. 

 

here at the mtconventus, 

we care about you. 

And you need to Blatantly....Wildly, outragsously

stick up for yourself. 

I know Im reapeating myself, 

but as I mentioned before, In the advice game we all play our own way. 

I like to keep advice Long and Serious. 

You can even pull the sympathy card, feel free to act on yourown behalf. with mr temple by your side. 

Tell them, tell your family..if you are going the symathy route. 

Tell them you have worked so hard for your tenuous sobriety, and you cannot be tempted. 

One slip and you could lose your dream forever, to be a synchronized swimmer. 

Tell them that if they are noisy in your house you have nighmares of never swimming again. 

Or you could just say fuck off. 

DONT BACK DOWN

that is the only rule. 

Dont back Down. 

OK?

Mom, 

This is serious. We dont want to lose you or your sanity. 

So let's change your sentence WE will rewrite the future because you are gonna say no. 

But yeah.  This family member is going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future.  I see bad things ahead.

is now

But NO.  This family member is not going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future.  I see great things ahead.

Get it? got it? GOOD

TOOTHAY!!!

Truly

Ava K