Ava K Inspiration Advice Consultation Hotline

I'm a sabotager sell out wanna be

2012-02-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

Submitted Information:

Man Stage
man

Decide.I want a response from you.
1

Name
Copenhagen

Speak your mind.
Hello Ava,
I hope all's good in your hood. My name is John. I'm an Australian visual artist, musican, surfer, writer type person. Lately I have been having a problem. My girlfriend recently ran off to London with a stockbroker. Her reasoning was that she wants to have a baby, and that I don't make enough money for her to do that with me. That's not the real problem, though. The real issue is that now, I am really starting to feel the pressure to "sell out". I feel like, if I continue to do what feels right (freestyle creation), I am sabotaging my own life. Any advice you have at all would be greatly appreciated.
Yours sincerely,
Copenhagen

OK,Copenhagen.

I'm sorry about your Predicament.

MY inspirational advice is that, perhaps, you start using different language to describe your possibilities.

Instead of saying "I should Sell Out"

Try saying, "I should try getting a job that supports the life I want to have."

That is, of course, if it IS the life you want to have.

I don't know how old you are, but I have gone through a similar situation and I am in the process of learning a new career (other than art) to pay my bills in the future. The career that I have chosen is a career that will help other people and also pay for my life. There are many creative aspects to it. Because the job is creative and helpful, it could barely be called Selling out. Also, the job can help me form the life that I want, where I can pull my way and have a family in the future. It increases my self esteem. Oh course, this doesn't mean you won't miss aspects of your life now, whatever you do day to day. Your art will always be there. LIfe is an art and you need to adapt.

It's simple, really. If you really think what you are doing right now is "sabotaging" the life you want to have, you definitely should make some changes--and forget about the idea of "selling out". I've thought about selling out a lot, and ---I am not so sure selling out really exists. We all have goals and dreams. People who "sell out" generally were Born sell outs, were headed that way all along, SO--don't worry about that.

Being afraid to change and be who you want to be is the real selling out, and there is no money involved, as--money is just a symbol

toothay

ava k

Whhhat?

2011-12-17T08:11:00.000-08:00

So in August of this year my girl so to be fiancee left me for some dude and then in September my father died suddenly from cancer. Oh, by the way hello Ava.
Anyways, I got a better ring and started to work on my insurance license cause my father left us with nothing. Took, the good from the bad right?
So my question to you is, should I feel as if I got an ace up my sleeve with a nice ring and broken heart?
Man, all I use to do is dream of being married. Now at age 36, I still look 20 something. I only attract females in their 20s. I just hope I can have a partner in all area of my life.
So, should I just do it like Nike, cause you only live once? Tell me how I should turn it all the way up? Inspire me Ava...
Oh, btw... I attracted to the young women too so I don't need help with that, but tell me what to do to unleash the beast inside of me to make it in business.

You know Advice Seeker,

Thanks for asking for advice---and condolences, But I don't really understand what you are asking ....

"Unleash the beast?"

Why would you get a better ring if you are no longer engaged?

Doesn't make a lot of sense. Maybe that's my advice to you, be more coherent,

thanks.

Truly

Ava K

Getting A Job

2011-10-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

Submitted Information:

Man Stage
child

Decide.I want a response from you.
1

Decide.Please make it epic.
1

Name
John Cayne

Email
masteoven @gmail.com

Speak your mind.
Hey Ava, your dancing inspired me. I danced before and haven't danced since, but I feel that the dancing I do in the future will be much more fun.

Seeing that you have and inspirational newsletter, I figured I'd try. I need inspiration to go job hunting. I've always had a hard time doing so, but had been in school until very recently. I kinda get jittery and afraid that I will be rejected everywhere I go. I really need to get a job soon to support myself, but my fear still gets the best of me sometimes. All of the time. Just thought maybe you had a tip or two to give. Hope you're well.

Dear John Cayne,

Thanks for letting me know my dancing inspired you. I hope that you are dancing in the Future as your intentions stated. Could turn into a career.

Now to the WISDOM.

Congratulations, first off, for being out of school. You left out some information. Is your trade employable? Is there some special career you are after?

As everyone knows, getting a job is particularly challenging "these days" due to something you may have learned about in school, The Economy. Yes, I didn't learn about that in school either. I went to art school. Are you an Economist?

Anyway, why beat around the bush? I am terrible at getting jobs. I have gotten so few jobs that I tried to get, and some of them horrendously underpaid jobs I didn't want.

Here are my tips to getting a job.

1. Have a job already. People like to hire people who are already employed. It's sexier. If you are currently looking for a good job I suggest you start with a worse job than the one you want just to play hard to get. Never be embarrassed of the Teaser Decoy Job, always act Proud.

2. Be related to the person you are trying to get a job from.

3. Lie. Yeah, I know all about all of that you are talking about. (This of course could end up making you look bad but sometimes it works out if you're a fast learner and good looking. That take me to 4

4. Be good looking but not so good looking that you makes people think about anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. It may be better to be well dressed than good looking.

5. Dress well.

6. Hope whoever interviews you likes you. Try not to bore them but don't be exciting. Don't be creative or interesting, they may instantly find you threatening Especially if you are in a creative field.

Also, rest assured---most people who have asked me job advice have ended up being much more successful at careers and obtaining jobs than I have (thus far)...so in a way my advice is a merit-less rabbit foot--that works.

Not everything about inspiration is inspiring. You gotta get knocked down before you get up, Inspiration is wasted on the ecstatic.

Uggg,

Getting a job is horrible.

Prepare you references to back up your lies.

I wish you great fortune on your enterprises.

Truly

Ava K Lamb

2011-09-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

FLUSHED WITH EMBARRASSMENT

Dear Ava K Lamb,

At the country club where I work, the toilets are not in stalls, they are in completely enclosed closets. As a result, the autoflush toilet sensors, which ostensibly are light activated, do not go off until one opens the toiletcloset door completely. Sometimes someone tries to go past me as soon as I open the door, and walk into the toiletcloset before the toilet has flushed, meaning my shit/blood/tampon is still sitting there. I have learned to keep blocking the doorway till it flushes...but what can I say to the person who's trying to go in that would make things less awkward?

signed FLUSHED WITH EMBARASSMENT

Quick answer...
Don't sensor toilets have a button on them (near the scensor)
So that you can manually flush before the light?
I tend to go that route.
Otherwise...I like the block the door plan. Maybe you could strike a pose...or make a business card to hand out that explains why you blocked the door. (dear madame, in your haste you have forgot to wait for my feces to flush, you should step back unless you would rather stand here and count to three)

Or tell them ---"don't nudge past me please, I have poop on my hands"

Or leave something in the stall that you "remember" as you exit STALLING the stall transaction! (ohh i seem to have left my tunic on the TP dispenser)

Or bring construction flood lights or a flashlight in the bathroom with you to shine on the censor (whichever works) before you exit!

I like your question.
Ha, you could put of "police line do not cross" tape up ---and exclaim "if pooping is a crime, I'm guilty"...

Thanks for the great question, many people , million, are probably suffering in silence

I wonder how far you are willing to go to solve this !
Hope your having fun and your bowels are smooth
Xox

YEAH I fixed you

2011-09-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

Submitted Information:
Man Stage
haploid cell

Decide.I want a response from you.
1

Name
LOOSE BRAINS

Email

Speak your mind.
GOOD Morrow AVA

will humans eventually turn into pixels?
has that happened already?
I figure peoples all around tiny and massive
believe in withering and there are some grasping explosive futures... tar for imaginations is a cramped dick weed in the chronicle of time.
in utter seriousness (all of it) can the creative little fucker in ones brain live eternal?
WHY HAVE I STOPPED DRAWING???

Sorry that's what I meant to ask in the first place - What do you do about re-figuring expression via art - ya know like I mean
jumping out of the time hole where all your creative juices sit all stagnant and what not... like all boring as fuck???
I think what i meant was I mean
im 25 and thats real close to 30
has imagination caught Ill wind?
well I figured maybe in here I answered some particular question I already had...
****I guess what IM REALLY ASKING IS HOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND "OFFING WRITERS/DRAWER'S BLOCK?"

Ok Ok Ok could you recommend a good read for out of control blow up brains streaming conscious - or can I have a better question for later in regards to time traveling or shape shifting dynamics and general space monkey phenomena, like later... Can we submit drawings?

ありがとうございます。

Submit whatever you like, as long as it is of gentleman like taste. I've had drawings sent to me before.
Judging from your email, you are spending too much time flailing your arms and trying to grow peacock feathers.
I would recommend drawing as the remedy to not drawing. It's almost homeopathy.
I will tell you what I tell many others who insist on mentioning time travel or other such schemes, "I have no time for time machines."

Please enjoy yourself and remember you are only drawing when you are drawing.

If you have no passion for it perhaps you no longer draw and should try something you do do.

Sent from my Wireless Desk of Ava K

Thank You for that there Advice!
Inbox
X

that advice you gave me was like a large soda pop of weissenhower

ill post you the drawing when its finished!

Are you ever needing animation for film?

Thanks

Let's "JUST" be friends.

2011-02-26T05:43:00.001-08:00

"Dear AVA K k k boom,

Thanks for the inspiration, really wonderful.

I would love to get some feedback from you on something that's been nudging on my shoulder.

Sitch: I used to love a boy. Then we both abandoned each other. He moved back to New York 2 years later. I feel like we both changed but slowly we are becoming familiar friends again. Now I find myself becoming attracted to him romantically again. BUT i know he's not enough for me and I am not enough for him, but I can't help but want to try things out again. AVA K, how do i discipline myself to not double dip. I find that I am weakening to nostalgic notions. Give me some of your perspective!

PS. Do you believe in Hoodoo?

Best,

BRO's Friend

Dear Bro's Friend (Sassy Muffin),

You Sassy Muffin, you.

First off, let me say THANK YOU and YOU'RE welcome (for the inspirational newsletter). I feel about my news letter much like some people may feel about the cookies they leave out for Santa. The cookies aren't quite as good as the gifts he's gonna give them, but they are what they can give that they know Santa will eat. Just seeing Santa's teeth marks creates a lot of satisfaction...yeah. Back to the advice, unless you have more to say about Santa's teeth?

Ok so, this is the story. You two got together, it didn't work out, now he's back...and you don't know what to do. You say the two of you,

"aren't enough for each other."

What does that mean?

hmm? Muffin?

It seems like for whatever reason that you know the "RIGHT" answer is to not date this friends of yours...let's call him "GRASSY GROVE". Right? You do realize if you thought you should be dating him you probably wouldn't be emphasizing to me the fact that you shouldn't. Right?

Why would you tell me that you shouldn't be dating him if you should be? That would be totally wasted energy for you, MUFFIN.

MUFFIN, you don't think you should be dating him, do you now? Why? Maybe you just know that what didn't work before will not work again. Maybe you don't actually like him like that. Maybe he's a "playa" and your a "playa hayta"?

hmmm?

Anyway, you, you CRAZY MUFFIN, chose the outcome of this advice. You decided you should be not dating this man we call "GRASSY GROVE"

NOW WAIT

now wait Muffin.

Are you mad I told you you can't date him?

Are you thinking, "She is wrong, I want to date him."

If that is the case, HOT MUFFIN, then I think you should date him. Date him. Who cares? If the two of you want to date each other, then date. Oh course if you want to date him and he doesn't want to date you back, THINGS COULD GET WEIRD. But don't you hate when people live their lives afraid of "things" getting "weird"...I mean, really, what could be more pathetic. I spit in the velcro shoes of all those people who don't want things to "get weird".

It's an unreasonable goal, to avoid things getting weird...(you know how I feel about unattainable goals; don't make them) and avoiding the weird often just makes the world weirder, this need to control how normal the world appears (is pure evil) .

I don't want to lose my arm. THAT would be WEIRD to have one arm...right?

But let's face it, GOODNESS FORBID, if I did lose my arm, there would absolutely nothing weird about it. Having one arm would be PURE ReALITY. So, that being said, if you decide you want to date your friend, that is what you really REALLY want, and you know it is the best choice for you, it is your obligation to try.

NOW IF YOU KNOW YOU don't really want to date your friend (read on)...

Listen, please.

I feel your pain actually. I have Several of just about the greatest guy friends in the WORLD. My friends have been and persist to be 5 millions times nicer to me than ANY man i have ever dated. How could I not be in love with at least 20% of my best guy friends? How could I not intermittently question if I should just UP AND MARRY THEM. I mean, I already love them. RIGHT? We already are best friends, right?

WRONG!

See, that would be wrong, but it is hard to describe why it is wrong.

It wouldn't be WEIRD, it would just be...not right. There is no logical reason why I should not date my best friend(s). I just know I shouldn't.

There's lots of things I COULD DO. I could Buy and ANT FARM.

DO you know you shouldn't?

Then don't.

Here is the good part. If a time comes when you know you should date him, you can! IF he wants to too. See! that's so cool !
We call this principal the COALITION OF THE WILLING

now we get to the part where we tell you how NOT to date your friend.

"AVA K, how do i discipline myself to not double dip? "

You're right. It is a kind of discipline...and there are ways that you can abide your notion and think about dating him Less often (although you may always question your love, THAT'S OK).

It's like murder, just because you CONSIDER murdering someone certainly doesn't mean that you should (or ever would) murder that person. Let's keep you in the safe zone where you fleetingly think of dating GRASSY GROVE, but the impulse never truly tempts you.

Sorry to say, you need to keep your distance from GRASSY GROVE for a while. You and him need less one on one time together in which the love bacteria may grow. It may seem unfair to separate yourself from your love, but it's true this must be done. There needs to be distance between the two of you for a while. Let the winds of heaven dance BETWEEN YOU...If you treat him like he's your boyfriend, then it's no wonder you are confused about him.

Answer his call/texts/love poems less often. JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE until things cool off.

WHY?

Because friends don't answer each other all the time! It's not a big deal. Or delay your response for longer than you would naturally do. This isn't to punish anyone. This is just to cool the heat between the two of you.

2. Don't hang out with him one on one for a while. One on one hanging out is intense for people who have a spark between them. Instead, hang out with him in groups.

Even one other person being there will calm the stormy love seas.

3. Date someone besides him.

Date someone besides your friend "GRASSY GROVE". If you are interested in someone besides him, while hanging out with "GRASSY GROVE" you will be able to put him back in the FRIEND category. If you are really ready to draw boundaries...this one will hurt a little....
"OUCH!"
"all better."

4. Talk about the person you are dating in front of "GRASSY GROVE".

I've been there girlfriend, and I know that this number 4 step....works really well.

It makes it real for the both of you and it puts you all in your place.

a last resort may be 5. TALKING to your friend about the romantic chemistry you have been thinking about and telling him that you have some feelings for him BUT don't want to act on it.

It's kind of a strange level of honestly (because people are often so dishonest) but it is a flattering and honest way to reveal your feelings. It's a nice way to put it all on the table if you want to go that route.

As time rolls by, using these strategies and making up your mind...

If you have tried to abide your "just friends" impulse and you still feel compelled...

just date him.

It won't be so bad a thing to do.

BUT whatever you do,

Make sure you read my newsletter.

Muffin,

You're a great gal.

and we get to the bonus question....

PS. Do you believe in Hoodoo?

Oh dear Muffin.

What a provocative question.

I don't believe in HOODOO.

I don't really believe in anything.

But I believe in David Bowie...and I believe in you.

And I believe that what we believe in HOLDS POWER.

So, if I were to decide to believe in HOODOO....

and you decided to date your best friend.....

I know we would all still be just fine.

MUCH LOVE
truly

AVA K

Hair Attention Makes Me Sad.

2010-12-09T18:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Ava K,

I started a new job 3 weeks ago, teaching private preschool at a country club. My immediate supervisor is a personal trainer in the fitness department.

I have cool hair and I wear it many different ways. This is partially because I have a long commute and no time to blow-dry every day. Anyway, Feri, my supervisor, has a need to comment on my hairstyle almost every day. It is always a compliment:

"I like your two buns!"

"I like your little piggies!"

I know her motive is to say something nice. But her constant assessments make me feel conspicuous, self-conscious, and judged. When I do my hair in the morning I think about what she will say! I kind of dread seeing her, and I'm afraid I'll get overannoyed and pop off with some flip remark that will sound snarky.

Whether the solution is finding the right thing to say to her, or finding the right way to think about her comments, I am on board! You are great at advice! Tell me what you think please!

Dear Inspiration Victim,

My first reaction was to think...
"Well, you should just ignore her."

Then I thought, well, your problem is that you can't ignore her. She is bothering you and, in her own way, she is insulting you. No matter what you do, she is noting it, and there is something invasive about that. Maybe you are just feeling self conscious, either way, you can get her to mind her own hair. Its hair-do able.

I commend you for being patient while you find out some way to deal with this rather than snarkiness, although, every now and then, who can help but be snippy. If this bit of advice I give you doesn't work...maybe you should just be a little bitchy and let her know what's up. Its not that big of a deal.

I can relate to your problem in my own way. I once had a job that was very image conscious and sometimes my manager would send me to the bathroom to change my outfit, fix my flyways, or put on different shoes. I felt like a human extension of her own OCD. It made me feel inhuman. I feel like you are feeling similar; like her compliments aren't complements but knee jerk reactions that are jerking you the wrong way.

I have thought of this strategy for you to use, and even if it doesn't "work", I think that it will empower you.

Next time she comments on your hair, which will probably be the next time you see her (based on what you told me she doesn't miss a style) be her mirror. Every time she compliments you, compliment her right back on something really specific--something that catches her off guard. Don't just tell her you like the color of her shirt, tell her her earlobes are a pleasing shape.

"I'm glad you like my pigtails. I have to tell you, your earlobes are a really pleasing shape."

The next day she compliments you, pick another awkward compliment, and deliver it as sincerely as possible.

"Yes, thank you for noticing my bun. I am noticing that the size of your necklace really makes your eyes look big."

Keep this up. Soon she will realize every time she fires you a compliment, the lens is going to be pointed right back at her. Now remember, make the compliments you give her really specific. Make her feel really looked at.

I think that after a few run ins, that strategy will work. If that doesn't work, you can also try to combat her compliments by putting her to the challenge.

"I noticed you like my hair almost every day. How about after school I teach you how I do my hair styles. Maybe you want to try them out one day. Here, take my phone number. Let's do a hair workshop."

If her hair isn't long enough to style tell her you will teach her how and she can do it on her nieces. Something silly like that. The idea is to make her think that if she obsesses over your hair, you are going to make her accountable for loving it. If she loves your hair that much, let her prove it. Chances are she will shy away from the topic in the future to avoid going to your hair academy.

Last ditch effort...after you try all the other options, tell her you actually have hair plugs. Tell her you have female pattern baldness and that these are the styles where it shows the least. You wish that you could wear your hair down but you are too worried the baldness may show. Ask her if she has noticed her bald spots. Chances are she will shy away from your hair in the future.

If none of that works--just tell her you appreciate her compliments but compliments make you feel uncomfortable and it would be better for you if she didn't comment. She will probably feel awkward to be called out but, she will get over it quick. You can say it in a nice way.

That's it.
I totally solved your problem.

I can be sure, one or all of these methods will work.

Now go forth inspired.

Truly
Ava K Lovemaker

Keep Rocking that Hair on the DL

Doctor's Orders.

2010-11-02T08:35:00.001-07:00

Dear Ava K,

When I was a small child an old man molested me. I forgot all about it, but a few years later he tried it again and it all came rushing back. I didn't bother trying to discuss it with my family because they basically adopted me to avail themselves of my orphan's Social Security check, and were very abusive themselves.

You would think that being molested would screw me up for sex, but actually I am fine with sex. It screwed me up for DOCTOR VISITS. More often than not, entering a doctor's office (male or female) makes me go into a very anxious place emotionally and a lot of the time I say or do the wrong thing, or cry. I have been dismissed from two medical practices for crying. Did you even know ppl can be "dismissed" from a medical practice? One of them was my obstetrician!

Today I have no insurance, and I know I have developed a condition that needs treatment. When I do see a doctor, I will have to pay cash. So for one thing, I want to keep my head during the visit, and for another, I'm going to ask a lot of the doctor in terms of not sending me to other doctors I can't afford. What would your advice be on how to feel less awful when seeing a doctor? I already see a therapist of course.

Dear Inspirational Advice Victim.

Us here in the inspiration nation are very woeful to hear the backstory of your inspiration plea. Despite of foggy eyes, we recognize that you must be a true child of inspirtation.

I could see how some faint of inspiration may argue that I am not qualified to answer this inspiration problem. As we know, those people would be wrong. Anyway, you already have a therapist, which I'm glad you specified...now I don't have to give you responsible advice to..."go to a therapist" and I can just give you the inspirational advice which your therapist in unqalified to do. Does your therapist write an inspirational newsletter???

Of course not.

Its just nice how my qualifications qualitfy themselves.

Oh yes, enough about me.

The bassis of your plea is simple. You have a PHOBIA of the doctor. Right? You have all these terrible things that led up to this point that we could never actually solve....BUT, we can get you to the doctor. We cannot solve the past together. We can't even be sure the past is a Problem to be solved or that can be solved. It is purely mathmatical, our complete Lack of abilty. The Great Incompetence we have could melt a planet instantly.

Isn't it Fine. So Fyne.

What was I saying.

I am going to apply a specialized practice to your problem, something your therapist may not be man enough to do. Well doctors do it all over the place really, they're like flies. Its called EXPOSURE THERAPY and you can even see examples of it on really stupid shows like Maury Povitch. The famous example was the girl who was afraid of pickles. If you haven't youtubed that video yet, maybe you should its hilarious. Shows like this kind of treatment because (A) it works and (B) on the serface it seems really Creul and can create quite a specical. Screaming, rubber snakes, crying, that kind of thing. It can seem very silly, this process of "helping people." In its defense though, it is not some modern idea, if you think about it its really a form of homepathy and its also rather tantric. I would be good at administering this sort of therapy if I were a recognized physicain (but of course if I were a recognized physician you would be scared of me and would be crying right now.)

At least you didn't waste any money!

CRY BABY.

Just kidding.

anyway, that was just me indulging in my treatment plan.

Rolling in the manuer of health.

So I nicked this treatment plan off an exposure therapy website and I am modifying it for you from fear of dogs to fear of doctors.

facing a fear of dogs doctors

Step 1: Draw a ~~dog~~ doctor on a piece of paper.

Step 2: Read about ~~dogs.~~ DOCTORS

Step 3: Look at photos of ~~dogs~~. DOCTORS

Step 4: Look at videos of dogs.

Step 5: Look at ~~dogs~~ DOCTORS through a closed window.

Step 6: Look through a partly-opened window.

Step 7: Look at them from a doorway.

Step 8: Move further out from the doorway.

Step 9: Have a helper bring a ~~dog~~ DOCTOR into a nearby room (on a leash).

Step 10: Have the helper bring the ~~dog~~ DOCTOR into the same room, still on a leash.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE I MAKE SOME STUFF UP

Seeing doctors like to get Paid a lot more than dogs do...We need to add some more stipulations and Ideas.

HURRY HURRY HURRY

to your nearest Halloween store. Its all on clearance. I am not Kidding. Buy a Doctor costume. Whatever it takes, get a doctor costume. Go to a doctor supply store. Get a nurse outfit too. Time for you to be a director, like me.

I AM GIVING YOU DOCTOR'S ORDERS to play DOCTOR.

Get your friend to play it at first. As you get more comfortable make the settting more and more realistic. Maybe find someone you know with an office of any kind and go play doctor in the office. You can start with a good friend in the doctor costume but then branch out and get someone you don't know that well to dress up like a doctor and give you a fake check up. My advice though, is don't have anyone you are romantically involved with playing the doctor. That's a little perverse and may cross too many wires for you.

Anyway, I am not joking. I really think you should do this and I would help you plan it futher but I can't. Maybe sit down with a good friend who wants to help you and get them to administer these exposure therapy tests on you. If you do this treatment agressively, it is possible to become normalized much quicker than you imagined. Within one to three days you should start changing and mellowing out on the doctor fear. I'm sorry to say this, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but if you are afraid to go to the gyno you should probably get someone at the very least get you with your legs open on a table.

The details of this event are up to you but I think the close you get to Playing the realty, the better your chances of going to the doctor without being banned and wasting money. You know, I'm only saying that you should do that because, that where it gets really perverse and I'm willing to vouch for the fact that, I think thats a important part of the treatment. I'm sorry. Remember, treatments aren't meant to be comfortable. You have to live through the fear. Remember, its not a real doctor and you are in control of the situation. Oh yeah, that reminds me, besides someone playing doctor you will also need some kind of coach, to remind you "This is all a dream."

I am not saying this is a good idea but, when I cast a short vid or a long vid, you would be surprised how many actors (when given a challenging role) are willing to act for free. Like I said, make sure you have a good friend to supervise.

Something you probably thought of already but I so want to put that out there that maybe getting a female doctor would help???

This isn't an easy prescription but its the only kind of advice I can give you that I think will work.

My video about health concerns

I too have no insurance and I used some of the inspiration of having a medical problem with no help of diagnosis in my latest video. ALthough I really exaggerated my medical problem on the video, its really scary to be sick and know you can't do anything about it. I hope you do try my treatment method.

I also encourage you to look up this type of treatment for phobias and undertake it in a serious way.

Remember, despite how understandable your fear is, it is actually irrational.

NOW go play doctor.

Doctor's Orders!!

BOYFRIEND CHEATING ON YOU WITH HIS DAD??

2010-04-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend and I had a tumultuous long-distance relationship for about three years. He often did not tell the truth about his interactions with other girls, so one day I broke it off.

We were apart for a year, and I was miserable every second. Meanwhile, he incurred some really bad debts with Unemployment Compensation and with a number of check cashing places. We got back together, and a short time later, my boyfriend moved into an apartment with his Dad, ostensibly because Dad needed a roommate for financial reasons.

The four months since then were fine, but then about a week ago my boyfriend started acting weird. We aren't talking on the phone except for a 2-minute check-in here and there. While IMing, my bf told me his dad had started giving him a lot of flak about money, the choices my bf makes, and how bf spends his time. He also said work is super busy now and he's feeling really harried. Then he said, "I don't know if I have the energy for a relationship right now." We have not officially broken up, but I was definitely unhappy to hear this.

What do guys mean when they say something like that, in your opinion? Obviously I suspect my bf's Dad may have moved him in with the ulterior motive of supervising him more, which blows, as bf is 30 years old. Should I try to talk to my bf, or just wait till the wind changes? And how does one assert herself in the right way, when the challenge to the relationship is bf's Dad, who is his favorite family member? That is three

?uestions, so I hope you will address them all like they used to tell us to do in college essay days.
---------------------------------

Certainly. I will indeed answer this thoughtfully and completely.
I really don't think I will be telling you much that you want to hear. I get it sister. You got used to this Boyfriend of yours, and you like him. Well, time to hear MY OPINION of him. hehe.

First off. Do you realize how many times this Boy Friends Dad topic comes up? This is not normal. Your boyfriend's dad may as well be the other woman.

So remember back when you guys were long distance and he was cheating on you? He still is. With his dad. At the very least. He's not cheating on you Sexually with his dad, but he is mentally by having his partnership and loyalties lie more heavily with his dad than with you. It's not right.

Your boyfriend sure has an excuse for everything. And he seems to be thinking of himself a lot. Unless he is think about his dad. This isn't normal, not even if he were fifteen would it be normal. But he is twice that, he is 30. Why doesn't any of his excuses have anything to do with you? What do you get??

You need to watch this.

I don't get it. How is it he can do less than nothing, and he still gets your dedication.

You really deserve a better return on investment.

Let's talk about him some more.

You know how he is in trouble for stealing unemployment or whatever he did. That's not cool. Its not so bad that he is stealing from the government, the problem is that he thought that he wouldn't get caught. He shows some really obvious signs of being an all around dishonest person. I hate to tell you this, but it is a serious possibility he is still cheating on you. All his disinterest...
Check cashing places. I hate to be the first person to tell you this, and I don't mean it to put anyone down...But I just want you to know. From an outside perspective, No sane person would want to grab your boyfriend with a ten foot pole.

I'm sorry.

You Caught a dud.

He can't be this much of a fuck up and still treat you like shit. He hasn't earned that right. No wonder he treats you so bad. He has no idea how luck he is to have you. He is drowning in his own world of darkness...self pity...Stealing.
And of course let's add his undying love for his father into the mix.
NOT A PRETTY PICTURE

Did you consider that maybe Your boyfriend wanted to move in with his dad? Not even that his Dad wanted him to move in with him?
Yeah.

Maybe he moved in with his dad so he can steal and cheat more.

I wouldn't be surprise.

LISTEN

I believe in second chances. I really do. But I think that people who fuck up should be bold and rightous when correcting their mistakes. Not whiney with lots of EXCUSES about his dad.

Let his Dad fix his problems then. He doesn't have the right to complain to you.

I officially REVOKE his right to complain to you. He sucks. I also want him to return all his Christmans presents he got as a child. He obviously was on the bad list the last couple years.

Then he said, "I don't know if I have the energy for a relationship right now." We have not officially broken up, but I was definitely unhappy to hear this.

What does he mean by this???

He means Exactly what he said.
I'm sorry. He means what he said. There is no room for interpretation...
I totally understand why you don't want to hear that. Why you want to interpret it as something else...

He just happens to be a Pussy.
Instead of saying "I don't have energy for a relationship right now"
he is using Puss Face talk by saying "i don't know"

What does he know then??? What does he know? Does he know that you desserve better? Because I know that you do.
You're a person, not an optional side of fries. You have given him so much time and understanding of all his flaws fuckups and incest...
And he gives you I don't know?
Fuck him.
Really.

I know its a lot easier for me to tell you he is Done than it is for you to understand it. You put a lot into him that you don't want to give up...but what has he done with the love you give him?

It appears to me he takes it, and he gives it to his dad.
Its lame.

If he were in a sitcom his character would be a loser.

YOu can't debate that...That is a fact.

And how does one assert herself in the right way, when the challenge to the relationship is bf's Dad, who is his favorite family member?

Listen. If you have to compete with his dad, game is over. You and his dad should not be in the same catagory.

I am sorry, I know it's not gonna be easy. You need to walk away. And I hope he doesn't chase after you. Which he probably eventually will....for the same reason he doesn't want to outright dump you....you are too nice to have around. You do anything for him. Why would he dump you. You're like a free cow with tons of milk. You even feed yourself.

I would never do what he has done. It is UTTER(cow)ly ridiculous. If my parents ever tried to make me ruin my relationship and life by telling me where to live and what to do....I would think they went insane!!!
And I would say No way Hose!
You need to start shifting your priorities Sista.
If he were the guy for you he would realize that you are probably the only good thing about his life, and he would thank the Lord you were there for him when he got home from his shitty job...
But he's giving all his love to his father.

Its Over.

Ps>>>

Let me beat you to the punch.

If you are thinking Ava, dear ava. You misunderstood. Don't you realize how much we love eachother? I forgot to tell you about the time he said I was pretty. OR"its more complicated than that ava...."

Well let me tell you.

Nothing you could tell me that you add to this picture could make him good enough for you.

I don't care if he is your soul mate or he is the sexiest ride in town.

Nothing. If it's more complicated, its too complicated, and It is OVER.

Whether or not you will take my advice is all you need to figure out.

ERRUPTIVE INSPIRATION

2010-02-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

THEY ASKED
Soon, I will be going to a volcano. If you have any thoughts on volcanoes

I said:

Volcanoes. Volcanoes. Volcanoes.
arent volcanoes rather frightening.
arent they?
its so rare that they explode or ooze... and whatever.
Arent they linked to earthquakes sometimes. With platetectonics
Those are scary too.
lets say a word together, Outloud.
MAGMA
MAGMA
LAVA, MAGMA
VOLCANO
ERUPTION
terrestrial planets
magma chamber
subduction zones
Vesuvius
volcanic ash
Vulcan, the Roman god of FIRE

VULCANOLOGY

ok that was several words. But wasnt it good.
I love Werner Herzog.
I dont know how he became the person I trust so much in life.
anyway, take his volcanic activity, ALTHOUGH, maybe you already have, but let's cherish it together.
HERZOG VOLCANO MAN
La Soufrière is, as Herzog explains, a documentary of an unavoidable catastrophe that didn’t happen. When Herzog learned in 1977 that the volcano, La Soufrière, on the small Caribbean island of Guadaloupe was about to explode and that one man had decided to stay behind, he assembled a small and daring crew and went to interview the man. Once on the evacuated island, Herzog wanders though the empty streets of Guadaloupe’s capital overrun by donkeys and starving dogs. He eventually makes his way, in a feat of either glaring stupidity or daring bravado, to the crater, but is forced to turn back by a plume of toxic fumes. When he does locate the “last man remaining” he finds that there are in fact several men, all homeless and all unafraid of the looming danger.

What makes La Soufrière a particularly beguiling film is Herzog’s banal tone. As is clear, almost from the outset, the volcano didn’t erupt. Yet Herzog insists that during his entire time of the island, the ground shook and the volcano may have been minutes from exploding. In hindsight, he realizes the idiocy of his traveling there and attempting to capture the explosion, the idiocy of sacrificing himself and his crew for apocalyptic footage and some insight into the meaning of life and death. What he comes away with is a striking rumination on absurdity.

While Herzog insists that there is no difference between his fictional and his non-fictional films, it is evident that in the real world, the world that has boundaries, the foolishness, the audacity and the madness that Herzog seeks at the heart of human existence is much closer to the surface than any of us truly realize.

Akas: Die Große Ekstase des Bildschnitzers Steiner, La Soufrière - Warten auf eine unausweichliche Katastrophe.

WHAT ELSE COULD I SAY,
my dear friend.
but, enjoy the volcano ,
and I love Werner.

truly ava k

action plan d

2010-02-04T06:56:00.000-08:00

THEY SAID

I have an odd question and I thought maybe you'd be the one to understand it.
I recently got over a bad case of seriousness. You know, I had to remind myself what a huge liar I was and what a big joke life is. So to keep up the momentum of fun I changed my entire schedule around. I woke up at 7 and had a huge bowl of raisin bran. I was excited because it was a new style for me. A WHOLE day that was new. But then, I had some personal problems with my family that killed my buzz, a real misery downpour. Do people kill your buzz? Is there any way to avoid it? Fight through it? I have solutions to keep going. I'd just like to know if there are preventive measures.
Tomorrow I think I'm gonna find a particular cup with a particular spot. Keep the challenges going. Today's was stay up an entire day without taking a nap.

I said:

You're right, Let's call you Action D, You're right action D....I do understand you.
I would like to first commend you for your use of problem solving. Getting over a case of seriousness...and inmplementing action stradegies such as changing your entire schedual is impressive. That shows a lot of consideration for yourself and how the mind works.
TOOTHAY to you action D
I like the Raisin Bran Plan, man. Its genius. Maybe next time you try it you should wear a funny hat while you eat the bran.
I would try your plan, but it wouldn't work for me. Something that maybe could work for me... as a plan D...
Well, honestly D-Money, I too am hurldeling over some extreme seriousness. I too am building personal divergence tactics to make it through the next day.
Through today.
Life is a big joke Action D, But that doesn't make you a liar. We honestly believe this stuff sometimes. Its more like we are being tricked than like we are lying.

So to your question, your personal Question about me.
Do people kill your buzz? Is there any way to avoid it? Fight through it?

Yes People kill my buzz.

A lot.

In fact sometimes there is no Buzz to be killed, yet Something inside me still dies in response to outside stimulous.

If there was a club in which you get a stamp for everytime some schooze hound pissed on my parade I would have a free gallon of milk by now

I think you see my point. Action D. In fact you may say...i took it a step too far into feeling sorry for myself.

Probably true. It felt good though. I knew it was happening and I played the part. I put on the cheese hat and acted like the cheese with the hat.

What is with the dairy examples. Is dairy exploited everywhere?

Anyway.

Well you started it with the cereal. Did you use soy Action D? because if you did it is all my FAULT.

hehe

Is there any way to avoid people killing your internal joys?

Smashing your spleen of good riddance?

No.

What is alive, will die.

WHat kind of death is all we will learn to know.

Unless we never see it coming.

I have written personal essays on this topic.

This "advice" is so boring it really isnt advice. If there are certain people who cause problems and sadness more than others, consider keeping them away from you.

One way to fight through is it for you to stay calm as possible. To speak your mind as clearly as possible.

And to not get involved as much as possible.

And to become less and less involved.

Pretty boring.

People who fuck up your life a lot can be needy and therefore addictive.

People who need people. are the luckiest people. And if you watch funny girl you will see, that is an ironic song. I watched that recently.

Unless you want to hide your love away.

like that beatles song.

anyway that wont help you because you will be an old maid if you hide your love away.

its better to be buised and beaten and howling.

ALTHOUGH being bruised and beaten and howling, isnt very good. I just think it happens a lot.

If you do it right, and authentically...you will try not to do it again.

Just make sure you endure the realities of whats going on, then you probably will get a red light in your head when old tapes keep replaying.

Which i think is happening for you and you are thinking,

what could i do to prevent this....

I dont know is cereal is the answer, but it doesnt hurt.

YOu strengthening your sense of well being in your own way may help you in other situations.

A cup in a spot sounds like a good idea.

Not taking a nap is a great idea.

I never nap.

Never.

anyway.

hopefully I didnt give you any useful advice here.

I will continue to go through my day like a zombie.

maybe

Action Plan D

carry on.

truly

AVA K

OUR FRIEND NEEDS SUPPORT

2010-01-25T06:38:00.000-08:00

THEY ASKED

Dear Ava K,
I am writing this in a fit of impotent rage, and other juicy (watery?) emotions. I am betrayed. I am disappointed. I am beside myself and lost within myself, consumed by forces beyond my control and plummeting down and into a well of walls, a brick of feathers, a pristine stable of blacklit and imperturbable meth labs.
Drugs have been a problem for me for a long time. All kinds of drugs, cycling predictably in and out of my life to tag team with and against one another in various configurations. The good news is I’ve broken the cycle and I won’t dwell on the wherefore and whatnot but I’ve conquered my problem and am mopping up. So I’m standing there, my newly sensate and responsive tendrils of personality and emotion wiggling their way to the surface, eyes watery, mop in hand, healthy cynicism honed, good natured world weariness purring away under a body glowing with chemical poverty, when a close family member decides to swoop into my sanctum wielding a raging coke problem and a wretched enabling girlfriend and do what coke-addicted couples do, all night, while I try to block out the noises by writing this letter and listening to, what is this, fucking Coldplay remixed by neon indian or something. Hypemachine. But yeah. This family member is going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future. I see bad things ahead. Can you inspire on the subject? Can you use this letter to expand your brand? Lets make things happen here.

Sincerely,
Mumra the Everliving (by the grace of God!)

Toothay Mumra, Toothay.

That is one heck of a letter.

Yes, I can use this letter to expand my brand.

Indeed let us make things happen.

There is your answer.

Keep inspired 24/7!

Totally COOL!

Truly

Ava K

Just kidding.

Let me tell ya,

When you started your letter I was a little worried that your problem was going to be you doing drugs.

I'm really glad that this early in the inspiration Biz I don't have to tell you...

Don't do drugs.

Listen, Ava K is drug free, and that's the way to be if you want the inspiration from the marrow to last to the 'morrow.

So thank God you didn't ask me about your drug problem. I would hate to say

DON'T DO DRUGS!!!

It would make me seem so hedonistic.

so Third Grade death bed style,

Which has none of the Glory of Fifth grade.

Make it to fifth grade, someone will really give you props.

Ok where were We Mumra the EVERLOVING

Ohh I mean Ever Living.

I am gonna name My First born son the Ever loving IV in terms of heraldry. In terms of if I ever have a first born son....And dont skip right to the fouth.

ANYWAY

I'm selfish. That's how I entered the Inspiration game MUMRA with a selfish need to control you. SO let me tell you what to do.

You may not like it.

The last person I advised...actually argued about the advice I gave so... THAT, honestly, is not how the inspiration game works. You ask. I answer. YOU act like it all makes sense all of a sudden.

Right?

Nice.

MUMRA

I enjoyed your letter. it was really good.

I'm really proud of you that you are drug free right now. It is the way to be. But it sounds like Through the bloodline you are inheriting some free drugs on The HOUSE

IN your house.

They are the enemy Mom, let's call you Mom sometimes, as a funny joke on your name, Which is Mumra.

Mom,

Your body is your temple, and so is your house. You also have a temple at the side of your head. Let's show a picture of that one.

That's a picture of WIlliam Temple.

He is your new god, your new Muse to solve this problem of self defense.

He did these things,

was a priest in the Church of England. He served as Bishop of Manchester (1921–29), Archbishop of York (1929–42), and Archbishop of Canterbury (1942–44).

AND he wants you to Succeed.

WIlliam Temple is your new Imaginary friend and spiritual Guide.

Here, we just upped your posse Five score.

Flippin' FABULOUS!!

Maybe you have a bit of a grey area about what is ok and not ok because You are so raw right now.

Raw like a you know what.

That's right, like a Holy Mackerel

But let's say when that was happening last night, with the terrible music....a crime in itself. With the druggin and buggin...

With all that JUNK

You know what Me and The Archbishop of Canterbury would have done?

Beat those suckers up.

Not because they are Boozin and Loozin,

But because You are Succeeding and they are SUcceeding in trying to infiltrate your system and Bring you down, down to the ground.

NO MOM WILL NOT DO THE LIMBO ROCK

and then me and WIlliam Temple would SHOOT them.

We would.

I hope I'm allowed to say that.

I would hate to get imprisoned for that.

BUT BOY would it up my status in the inspiration game.

YOu and your JUICY emotions and your Watery emotions are Right when you say.

I am betrayed. I am disappointed.

You only have one Option Momma,

You, with William Temple at your side HAVE TO

absolutely HAVE TO

excommunicate these fuckers.

I am serious. You have to do it and you have to do it now,

Before they buy your farm.

You need to be really really mad...regardless of you really are.

You need to be really really offended,

even though you may be confuse.

AND you need to yell at them, and tell them to go away Forever.

Now the fact that forever doesnt exist in the concrete sense Is between us friends. It doesnt mean FOrever,

But you need to mean Forever meaning

NO WAY JOSE

BYE.

BYE BYE.

will not SEE YOU LATER

They are trying to murder you. They are doing a DUI in your face.

No one may be on your side when you make this decision but you have to make this decsion Fast and Now. Before they actually FUck you up real bad. They don't care about you mom, don't be the mop. Mopping up their poison gross kill. You need them GONE. FOREVER

In the long run, YOu will know the right thing has been done. You need to do it this way and only this way.

you described...

wretched enabling girlfriend

if you dont tell them to get lost forever, dont call dont write dont telephone... You will be the wretched enabling girlfriend.

You will be her exactly.

You have to have them gone completely because they are going to kill you. They don't know it yet, they may not Mean to, but they will.

They will!
If you want to be stupid and say you can't disown your family yadda waka yade doo.

Then fine. You just tell them they are not allowed in your HOUSE because you and William Temple are conducting services.

ALL THE TIME.

You also have to never go anywhere with this family member that you wouldn't go with a stranger on craigslist.

Ok, that depends on how slutty you are.

Only see them in public places and preferably during the day ONLY.

DO you understand what I am saying here?

They are gonna molest you. They don't want to maybe, But they will.

If you give them an inch, they will take a mile.. and barreling down taht mile you will go Naked and goopy sad and fast Hard and Ruined.

For years you will fall down that Inch they took .

the infinate angry inch of the Fall of an Angel.

Am I making my POINT HERE MOM.....comprende.

Im really serious.

I dont want to lose you MOM

I dont want to lose you to these fiends , in the depths of their unknowingness, with the gravity of thier Dark night of the SOUL.

I dont want to lose you. Only you can prevent Forest fires.

Be the wet Blanket. William Temple and you will go far.

DO you want to be the sucker? Your story will be this...

REDEEMED HIMSELF TO LIFE, then kind of forgot about it when some suckers wanted to party in his house and use his toilet paper and Steal his soul. Ehh,

HMM?

is that what you want on your grave?

Do you want 'Eh, what ev'

on your grave?

just wondering because I want you to be in the posse that has COol graves.

Beat the Spiral, the life you saved may be your own.

I know from experience ok... With family.

Even if they dont revamp your drug problem in a new and exciting way, they will still make your life a living hell.

They will use you and abuse you....in really creative ways. Just when you think they couldn't get any worse, They will.

They will do something even stupider.

SO even if they dont ruin your newly sensate and responsive tendrils of personality and emotion wiggling their way to the surface

they will ruin you some other way. make your life really fucking annoying.

So like I said.

You and your spiritual guide should tell them to hit the road Forever or jsut tell them never to come to your house ever again.

EVER.

Maybe you are worried about telling them this important set of instructions.

It is gonna be really hard. Addicts can be really manipulative and they will probably find some way to make your decision seem crazy and Severe.

They will make you seem unfair and ridiculous. So mentally prepare,

YOu really need to make this happen

Like you said to me,

in the closing of your lovely letter... thank you for writing it....

Lets make things happen here.
I'm on your side. So is william Temple.

if you need some more people to back you up, I'm sure I could find them or invent them.

here at the mtconventus,

we care about you.

And you need to Blatantly....Wildly, outragsously

stick up for yourself.

I know Im reapeating myself,

but as I mentioned before, In the advice game we all play our own way.

I like to keep advice Long and Serious.

You can even pull the sympathy card, feel free to act on yourown behalf. with mr temple by your side.

Tell them, tell your family..if you are going the symathy route.

Tell them you have worked so hard for your tenuous sobriety, and you cannot be tempted.

One slip and you could lose your dream forever, to be a synchronized swimmer.

Tell them that if they are noisy in your house you have nighmares of never swimming again.

Or you could just say fuck off.

DONT BACK DOWN

that is the only rule.

Dont back Down.

OK?

Mom,

This is serious. We dont want to lose you or your sanity.

So let's change your sentence WE will rewrite the future because you are gonna say no.

But yeah. This family member is going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future. I see bad things ahead.

is now

But NO. This family member is not going to be in my life a lot in the foreseeable future. I see great things ahead.

Get it? got it? GOOD

TOOTHAY!!!

Truly

Ava K

DEAR OVERLY SERIOUS DEPRESSED PERSON

2010-01-24T10:24:00.000-08:00

They asked...

Hello Ava K

I have confessions to make.

I have been affected by severe depression since mid-childhood/early teens (then developing other severe conditions over the years). Something bad happened, and misfortune and violence kept pilling up. Now I am left with no friends close-by (not their fault; they move on in life, i don't).

I have developed into something I and some others which have known me call the "black hole syndrome". You probably heard of this ; like a black velvet cloth, keeping one in depression feeling safe and nurturing death thoughts, while having lost all interest and INSPIRATION towards what he likes/used to like, loved, etc, and lost all hopes. Now it has developed into something admist this aloneness I am in. Like a saw, it wants to eat me up. I am completely lethargic and don't want to do anything anymore. BUT i want to get rid of it. I have to rid of it NOW. Because I am going to die if i don't. I do have medical/professional help but i feel that only ME can do this.

One of the reason I have not gotten out of it is that things have failed, people only stayed for a brief moment then left, i keep losing my job every year due to lack-of-work (i.e. not enough work/clients/inflow/activity to keep me) (currently jobless), some of my medication has caused me physical problems, and etc etc etc. And things don't develop. I'm at rock bottom. I'm afraid of the sun. I don't want to talk to others because I feel that the "black hole" will eat them up.

I never knew how to reach to people and get to know new people either. I have no idea. People seems to meet others and find new friends or whatsoever. I just don't know how to.

So INSPIRE me. Tell me it's going to be worth it to bake in the winter sun instead of having curtains drawn 24/7. That i can get out of it. That this year is not just gonna be another roll of the wheel of suffering, which will bring me back to nothing. That i will be able to feel joy. That i can be loved, and that i can love.

Hard one.. huh.. wow i dont even know why i'm writing this.

I ANSWERED:

Your topic here isn't as hard as you think, and it is very good that you asked.

Becasue its not as bad as it feels.

its very good that you feel this way.

This is what us here at the MT CONVENTUS

call

FIFTH GRADE DEATH BED STYLE

do not misunderstand me, this is not good or healthy to be in the state you are in...certainly this Condition must be changed...here is a video of me in a similar condition

First let me award you with some medals.

Just be proud of who you are. Youve been through a lot, and thats not your fault.
Let me also tell you besides depression, you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
so look into that for some validity.
I assure you, if i was not personally familiar with the conditions you are describing, I would not be qualified to answer you inspiration needs, yet indeed I am familiar.
Indeed I am. Yes friends, Ava K, with her athoritiative and impressive inspiration desk is no stranger to hiding in a closet crying...
Just to brush the surface.
Lying in bed dispondent...
untimed amounts of time.
Feeling the presence of angels as her breath weakens and slows in despair.
Boy have I ever...hey, may happen again.
depression is proven to be insidious, suffer it once....you may suffer it again. And probably will be worse the second time.
Read LINCOLNS MELANCHOLY
very good book...in someways, depression is a safety zone for people who have had it. It is not safe, not at all, but it is more reliable than most things...people...places...what have you. even in the way you described your BLACK HOLE SYNDROM
you used words that have a safe cozy feeling such as VELVET, NURTURING, SAFE
but lets get real, you dont actually feel safe at all. here is a little bit of blake to back up this death couch idea.

"The Fallen Man stretchd like a Corse upon the oozy Rock
Washd with the tides Pale overgrown with weeds
Two winged immortal shapes one standing at his feet
Toward the East one standing at his head toward the west
Their wings joind in the Zenith over head
Such is a Vision of All Beulah hovring over the Sleeper

The limit of Contraction now was fixd & Man began
To wake upon the Couch of Death he sneezed seven times
A tear of blood dropped from either eye again he reposd
In the saviours arms, in the arms of tender mercy & loving
kindness

Then Los said I behold the Divine Vision thro the broken Gates
Of thy poor broken heart astonishd melted into Compassion & Love
And Enitharmon said I see the Lamb of God upon Mount Zion
Wondring with love & Awe they felt the divine hand upon them"

its like hiding from the nazis, you may feel safe to be hidden, but you are still hiding from the nazis.
I am glad you have medical and professional help, but youre right, that isnt ENOUGH
you have the power,
but you dont have the power to be happy right now.
Here at the mt conventus,
We dont encourage unrealistic goals in real time.
youve got to be in it to win it.
and you cant shake off the rotten rags of memory with out...SHAKING.
you need to shake my friend. Shake rattle and roll.
As an aside, you should probably do some physical therapy. You should do some heavy jumping and kicking and lots of falling and spinning.
Everyday. best as soon as you wake up, so your brain is still too sleepy to reject the idea of jumping and flailing...fo 15 minutes.
Your body needs to start participating in this Battle you are fighting. You really need it as a ally.
this Cold war you are waging. you have to choke that depression and deny its circulation. its bad blood.
YOu have to be a warrior.
You do.
you simply have to be a warrior.
this quote i put into one of my inspiration newsletters, ....
"When life is victorious, there is a birth; when life is thwarted, there is a death. A warrior is always engaged in a life-and-death struggle for peace."

--Morihei Ueshiba
Founder of Aikido

you said:

Something bad happened, and misfortune and violence kept pilling up. Now I am left with no friends close-by (not their fault; they move on in life, i don't).

i have to break it to you,
i really hate to because its really terrrible news.
Bad things happen.... A LOT
in fact, it could be entirely possible that Only bad things happen.
now the problem here is, not bad things happening...ive already broke that news,
BUT THE PILE YOU SPEAK OF
that pile, is your mind.
THAT pile is your mind.

Only you can prevent forest fires.
here is a little excerpt from Blake to help prove my point.

All that can be annihilated must be annihilated, that the Children of Jerusalem may be saved from slavery. There is a Negation, & there is a Contrary: The Negation must be destroyed to redeem the Contraries. The Negation is the Spectre, the Reasoning Power in Man: This is a false Body, an Incrustration over my Immortal Spirit, A Selfhood which must be put off and annihilated alway. To cleanse the Face of my Spirit by Self-examination, To bathe in the Waters of Life, to wash off the Not Human, I come in Self-annihilation & the grandeur of Inspiration: To cast off Rational Demonstration by Faith in the Saviour; To cast off the rotten rags of Memory by Inspiration; To cast off Bacon, Locke & Newton from Albion's covering, To take off his filthy garments & clothe him with Imagination.

just to be clear, I am not trying to bring Religion into this, it is purely abstract... when Savior is refered to.
the fact is transcendance through imagination
I APOLOGIZE spell check isnt working at all.
anyway.
lets proceed,
i am in no need to make this advice note short.
its meant to be long and useful.
in a dynamic way.
i quote you again.

Now I am left with no friends close-by (not their fault; they move on in life, i don't).

Hate to break it to you, BUT your friends moving does not mean they moved on in life.

In fact, no offense to your friends, anonymous,

but theres a good chance they are all assholes anyway.

No offense,

im just saying chances are good.

How about you watch this video about comparing.

Comparing is BAD for you.

SO this is another POINT for you my depressed compatriot.
ALthough you may not be choosing your battles right now,
YOu need to start seperating you battles
instead of PILING THEM
into one delicious pile (sorry, that is an inside joke that you wont get.)

but let me tell you, its funny.
on a similar note,
YOu should listen to some of me and tesla music,
especaily the last track on the player, you will have to scroll down.
http://www.myspace.com/toothay
i am telling you to listen to that music because a lot of it came out of some serious depression.
you really are not alone,
although addmittedly
you are entirely alone

remember what i said about UNREALISTIC GOALS

there , right here is a picture i made about my terror as a depressed person.
Depression has a certain beauty when it is done authentically
BUT it really need not repeat itself.
not only is it something that needs to end, but its something that needs to be TRANSFORMED into joy.
let me quote you, somewhat out of sequence of adessing all your points.

I have to rid of it NOW. Because I am going to die if i don't.

sorry friend and compatriot,

you cant get rid of it now. that is an unrealistic goal MATTER CANNOT BE CREATED OR DESTRYOED

WHAT IS MATTER NEVER MIND WHAT IS MIND NO MATTER

i cant get rid of this muther fucking yellow highlight.

MUTHER FUCKER
LETS SAY this yellow highlight symbolizes depression.

it is still here.

ok i got rid of it, but it took a lot of work.

And i cannot erase it in the places it was meant to be.

YOUR DEPRESSION is part of your experience as a human. you need to start using it as a tool instead of endlessly condemning it and condemning yourself for it.

If you didnt know depression, there is a fuck lot you wouldnt know about life as a human,

SO how about getting on with the show

YOU really need to get a sense of humor about how pathedic you are,

at lease now and then.

its true, YOu may die because of depression,

BUT lets also consider, inevitably you will die ANYWAY.

so lets not make depression the star in this show, YOu actually are the host.

to this disease.

And the host of the show.

Im sorry you dont have any friends.

I actually know that feeling, it really sucks.

But really you probably will get some. You probably just keep wanting to be alone and are not really getting in there and...

Friends are so lame sometimes. You could definately get some.

i have a couple really good freinds, but the truth is, there is always gonna be a lot of time where your friends are busy.

Especailly if youre not lame and trying to smother yourself with other people so you have no time to think about how much you hate life.

That being said,

you should make an effort to either make friends or reconnect with your friends.

You may not enjoy the process at all, you are really sick in the head right now, so... consider it medicine.

YOu have to swallow some friends everyday.

Lets replace the word Friends with People even

depression doesnt have to be a big secret weight on you it can be a fact.
Hey, im really depressed sometimes.
sometimes i hide and cry,
NOT that big of a deal.
Most people can relate to that, although, they may not know the depth. Dont make it the elephant in the room. Its just a part of your experience, Like being a synchronized swimmer.
Sychronized swimmers have spent a long time in the water just like you spend a lot of time in the dark rivers of your mind.
its really touch and go rebuilding yourself from this hole you are in.
there are ups and downs. you have to build the ups with DILIGENCE and Perseverance.
you have to step outside yourself to start stepping outside your shadowy hole.
The shadowy hole may still exist next to the atomaton you will be using to rebuild your life.
You have to drag yourself through some things. you have to give up.
You cant work against your depression,
you have to drag it along for the ride as you start to leave your house and try new things.
As you continue to persevere pieces of your depression will break off your back .
YOu need ot make room for the spirit to move through you.
MAKE ROOM.
create emptiness.
an empty cup must be filled,
your cup runneth over.
you may have to volunteer for some things until you get a job.
there is useful work for you to do, maybe doing it for free will feel good. YOu are not a slave.
so do it for free.
When you have lost interest, you are not interested,
when you are interested you have Found interest.
Interest is a process of doing, not an abstract idea.
you need to make a to do list.
but for the first list, make sure you put a lot of things on it.
everything.
you need to write EVERYTHING you should do and put it on that list.
YOU NEED TO divide and conquer.
divide your problem into smaller segments for freedom of action.
FIND the practical goals within the unrealistic expectations.
Pick one topic then write a step by step process of how to achieve that one thing
Find some holes of information?
do research, all of a sudden, you are interest because you are Expressing self interest, interest in the progression of yourself.

oh my god,
this sentence kills me, you really are funny sometimes.
I don't want to talk to others because I feel that the "black hole" will eat them up.

you need to stop giving yourself so much credit. or is it that you want your depression to eat people. Thats ridiculous. You need to lighten up. You really do. DONT TELL ME YOU CANT you need to lighten up. YOur depression is no more important than an old shoe at this point. Are you also afraid your old shoe will destroy your loved ones? Yes im sure it smells bad....But who fuckin cares.
how about not making your friends smell your old shoe.
Just becasue you need to talk about your old shoe sometimes, doesnt mean you need to make other people wear it.
Try acting a little. Once and i while would it KILL you to tell people youre having a great day even though youre not.
Just try lying a couple times.
You may start believing yourself.
YOu obviously know the depression card...why dont you try a few new tricks.

And things don't develop. I'm at rock bottom. I'm afraid of the sun.

Do things not develop...or perhaps are you not developing???
Geuss what, you know Post traumatic stress often keeps people in the same emotional mindset as the age they were when they first expereinced the trauma.
The trauma may not be a specific event, even an episode of depression may be the problem.
Sorry about the tough love, but people have told me the same fucking thing about the same fucking thing, and they were right.
In your state of deperession your emotional deveolpent is regressive.
YOu need to take control of your emotional maturity. You keep blaming other people adn circumstances. GUESS WHAT, life is all one big circumstance. isnt that HILARIOUS. ;

I need to ask you, do you know the difference between a reason and an excuse.
All the things you are saying are true, they are real.
They may be the reason for your experience, but they are devolving into excuses you use. to not progess as a person.
anyway.
a lot of humanity is unemployed right now. your in massive company, so that cant be your Excuse.
BACK TO WHEN YOU SAID you are afraid of the sun and at rock bottom

If you are afraid of the sun you need to callenge it to a duel.
YOu reallly jsut have to duel the sun.
You need to start fighting it. you need to go outside and really harass it.
all the bullying it has done to you.
all the unfairness.
YOu know what else.
I know a lot of people who have said they have hit rock bottom, and you know what.
THEY WERE LYING>
they were lying.
I dont know if you are lying or not.
i have no reason to believe you are telling the truth,
but if in fact you have hit rock bottom, that means YOU are going to have to MAKE some changes.
that means diligent effort.
that means self sacrificial change.
its gonna be scarey,
more scary than the sun,
MORE pungent than the sun of god.
YOu must go through the desert my child.
monkey on the back will claw at your face until it Dies from the sheeer impossiblity of your walk.
i dont believe you when you say this,

I never knew how to reach to people and get to know new people either. I have no idea. People seems to meet others and find new friends or whatsoever. I just don't know how to.

I really just dont believe you.
HONESTLY,
i dont believe you at all. I think you do know how to reach people.
you need to listen to this song.

by writing this letter, you reached out to me, and that is why i dont believe you.
You know how to make an effort. you need to reach out in the darkness and someone will reach back, you just dont know who or when. but they may need YOU. so you need to reach out.
why do you think i decided to write an inspiration advice newsletter.
I did that because i needed to reach out.
Success is not a measurable thing.
IT doesnt exist any more than Failure does.
success and failure are both incredible myths that can be very hurtful.
did the universe and all reality really Succeed in being created.
Not really
Not at all.
You need to start fucking around a little and making a fool of yourself a bit.
FOR FUN
maybe you should buy a disguise and walk around dressed liek someone else.
im serious.
You should .
now this,

No offense, but, I refuse to inspire you on demand. it is a free will type thing. I feel like it. But ultimately, although I dont believe in self help and refuse all cahoots accusations,
I cant do shit for you.
I refuse to tell you it's going to be worth it to bake in the winter sun instead of having curtains drawn 24/7.
thats really not my style.
if i were to be a cheer leader its because i want to jump around do cartwheels, not because i give a shit about the football team.
YOU TELL ME,
its your life.
Is it worth it to do what youre doing? Is it worth a MOTHER FUCKIN DIME?
At this point you are just being difficult. You are refusing to adapt to changes in your life.
thats all it is.
If darwin was here, which he is, he would tell me to tell you TO jsut do it already,
get it over with,
YOu are not showing you have what it takes to adapt to the climate of the world.

but also, there is a reason why depression has continued through evolution.
read this....
SOME USEFUL THINGS ABOUT DEPRESSION SCIENTIFIC AMErICAN

so why dont you start using the evolutionary advantage you have of being a dynamic person who is willing to tak on a challenge rooted deep in their existance.
you can recover like a miracle baby, never should have lived past 3!!
If you want to do the same thing over and over again you can,
or you can be a warrior and get over yourself.
make the steps to change, against all you are feeling about worthlessness.
what is worthless is the repitiion

That i can get out of it.

youre actaully not in anything, it is all an illlusion. its a REAL illusion.

That this year is not just gonna be another roll of the wheel of suffering, which will bring me back to nothing. That i will be able to feel joy. That i can be loved, and that i can love.

SORRY old buddy.
LIFE IS SUFFERING
thats what the buddah would say.
i am not gonna be the one to lie to you about that, us here at the MT Conventus dont believe in glorious lies.
The karmic wheel will turn, that is not up to me to deny. If you are going with the wheel OR waiting for it to crush you is something you need to choose.
You have lost your sense of adventure.
Life is an adventure.
If the oddesy was a nice story without perils, no one would read it or think it was interesting,
and you are making yourself Boring, with your lack of humor.
If you want to feel joy, you are gonna have to show some skin,
and if you want to love, you need to start GIving people things.
Im serious.
Start giving people things.
presents, love, notes. FAVORs.
you ahve to start giving, start giving without expecting things in return.
YOU will be disapointed, the more you expect.
you need to set yourself up for some surprises.
Shit Sucks SORRRY
you dont have to suck
You can change.
Your truth an imagination is the light that you can use to illuminate the unknown.
That is all you can and should do right now.
YOU have nothing to lose.
So stop acting so scared of loosing it.
you already lost it.

That is the word.

Truly
Ava K inspiration.
The exquisite IV

WHEN I SAID YOU COULD PAY ME

2010-01-20T06:08:00.000-08:00

I am here to guide inspiration in a practical way.
WHEN I POSTED on my website the PAYME button, I specified that you can pay me at your own leisure and not TO DO something, but for any rationalization you can make for paying me now...
MUCH like you donate to the humane society if...
you like kittens, you like the sound kittens make. you like how they smell...
and you want kittens to be happy and safe...even though they cant write and you may never meet them.
WOuld you tell a Dog in a shelter...
I will contribute to your shelter if you learn to Sit, Stay... and tell time?
no.
that would be sick, evil.
that would be selfish.
That poor dog might get killed without your support? and youre asking him to TELL TIME???
how can he, he has no food and is going through ketosis with imparied vision and brain function!
RIGHT NOW!
no one is cleaning them and they keep barking because they dont want to pee on themselves...

but what other options do they have???

THEY SAY

help center | e-mail options | report spam
mrcooper40 has sent you a message:

inportant request
Interview Curious Poses July 2008 Hey ladies i found this by chance but fell in love it crazy but sexy the hott girl on tight in frame 309 sold me, fell in love instantly, u sittn there with the legs open was naughty sexy. would u make another 4me. ill pay u i just think u sittn there open legs was hott, im a fan of naughty sexy. but with longer shots of her openlegged

a phan frpm philly ill give u my cell to let u know im very interested, n will pay
You can reply to this message by visiting your inbox.

help center | e-mail options | report spam
mrcooper40 has sent you a message:

request addition
ok ok at 4 min and 6 that did it for me im in love n a fan my name is ervin i would happy to pay u 610EDIT190 cell
You can reply to this message by visiting your inbox.

SO this is what im am saying.
DONATE TO THE HUMANE SOCIETY
mr cooper
i dont want your Scum Ass money
but there are kittens out there that dont give a damn what a IRRELEVANT INGRATE You are

FIRST PERSON TO drop out OF THE INSPIRATION NEWSLETTER

2010-01-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

Although as I said in the youtube Plea, my original plea the inspiration email is not a cult and you can drop out at anytime.
OBVIOUSLY
people who drop out may be publicly attacked.

The person in the last post, he calls himself ANTONIOBOW
although that doesnt sound like a Name to me...
He dropped out of the inspiration ...
I think he was expecting Sex in return for joining the inspirational newsletter.
Talk about Unrealistic Goals.
Its good to be inspired....
Not unpractical
SORRY antoniobow,
but you are an INSPIRATIONAL NEWSLETTER dropout
and so What is it that you Can succeed at?
SERIOUSLY

anyway,
I pray I dont get anymore dropouts,
but I think out inspiration boat is a lot lighter without the heavy demands of ANTONIOBOW

see the letter i got to say he was leaving???
worse than a dear john
BYE BYE

Bravenet Elist Notification

Someone has just left your Mailing List.

The following user has unsubscribed from your Bravenet Mailing List service:

Email Address:

antoniobow

Bravenet Account:

AvaK

WRONG WAY STREET

2010-01-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

THEY ASKED
hi i jst singed up to your page your first video i watched was the one
when u spread your legs showing your pink underwear :p it really turn
me on i had a boner but the other videos makes me laf and showed me
your cute and inocent side are you single or taken i want u to talk to
me as your friend and i would like to be more than your friend

MY ANSWER

Dear ANTONIOBOW,
Or whatever your name is,
You have reached the desk of AVA K,
a place of Professional Inspiration.
Your email did not in any way discuss Inspiration.
Thanks for signing up for the Newsletter!!
In any future emails to anyone; Please consider using Capitalization and Punctuation!! besides smileys....to help inspire others to take you seriously! Even if you wrongly use punctuation--others will respect you for trying.
Tips from my Desk!!
Truly
Ava K

MUTHER FUCKIN internet addict.

2010-01-18T08:02:00.000-08:00

THEY ASKED

dear ava,

i have a serious problem. i spend too much fucking time on the internet. between my tumblr, youtube, livejournal, facebook and gmail it just adds up to hours wasted during the day. it doesn't help that where i live, the weather is shit and i never want to leave the house unless i have to.

also, i tend to swear way too fucking much. can you please tell me how i can remedy these situations?

thank you,

an internet addict.

MY ANSWER

Dear addict of the world...
There are many shapes and sizes, addicted to different fumes and specific colors.
DEAR INTERNET ADDICT,

Youre welcome!
YOU KNOW you are not alone. A lot of people have this PROBLEM...a lot of people would refer to it not as a problem but as Modern society,
YOu are right though.
It is a problem.

Sounds like you keep busy on a lot of different sites. Some people call this social internet or something. I have like 4 email addresses.
let me give you some steps to follow. these are called the infinite Cs

CONSIDER
compliment.
condemn
cry
CONSOLIDATE
CONFISCATE
CORRECT
COMMIT

INternet addict. CONSIDER why you like the internet and what you need it for. You probably really like it. The internet is Cool. It saves so much paper.
WRITE A LIST OF WHAT ID MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU ABOUT THE INTERNET
here is the catch
DOnt write your list on the internet or in a blog or in a word processor. WRITE IT ON PAPER.
I dont care if you waste five sheets of paper or pee yourself in agony of using your hand.
WRITE WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT THE INTERNET ON PAPER

because of your complex relationship with the internet. this may be hard at first. ONLY WRITE GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE INTERNET.
THIS stage IS CALLED COMPLIMENT where wouldnt you be without the internet?
what riches has it given you.
HOW does it feel against your skin?
how is it unlike anyone else.
WHAT OPPORTUNITIES has it given you

NEXT STEP
CONDEMN THE INTERNET
on paper. USE YOUR SKILL OF SWEARING
how does it rob you, make you dependent.
BLIND YOU
confine you
KILL YOU
rape you
DISFIGURE YOUR SOUL

nextt........

CRYYYYYYYY! cry. cry about it. you need to morn this complex relationship.
yell and let it out.

The internet is real.

consolidate.
seriously list all the site you use regularly and what you use them for.
is there some way you could combine or get rid of a site or two?

try to get rid of one thing, but if you really cant that is fine. you dont have to break up with the internet...but get some clarity on which site you need for what.

GET SPecific about it.

CONFISCATE.
the point here internet addict, is to save yourself from this over identification to reconnect with yourself.
the internet is really not a human. its a tool.
CONFISCATE yourself. separate your identity from the internet.
instead of writing your blog on the computer... CORRECT the connection with the physical world.
Write your blog on paper before you type it. Go somewhere to write your blog perhaps. ON paper. not on your laptop.

Get on schedule. you are lacking structure.
Post your feelings or whatever the heck you talk about online ONLY once a day at a specific time.
IF YOU MISS THAT TIME
oops
too bad.
you are gonna have to wait to do it till tomorrow.
The plan here is to get some of the dialogue back into your head, and off the screen.

Feeling confined to the house in these winter months sucks. Keep in mind though that a lot of people are in a similar position...But these people probably are hating it too. you are in bad company on the internet. a lot of the time.

tesla says to get a sunlamps. she also says humans are one of the FEW ANIMALS TOO STUPID TO HYBERNATE
so you should sit under as sunlamp because thats what plants would do if they were alive.

I dont really see swearing too much a problem.

But if you really think it is EVERY TIME YOU SWEAR you have to do a choreographed dance that lasts at least 15 seconds.
as soon as you swear, no keeping track and dancing later.
YOU SWEAR YOU DANCE
MOTHER FUCKER.

truly
AVA K
master of inspirational consultation.
EXTRAORDINAIRE

Ava K Inspiration Advice Consultation Hotline

I'm a sabotager sell out wanna be

Submitted Information:

Whhhat?

Getting A Job

Submitted Information:

YEAH I fixed you

Submitted Information:

Thank You for that there Advice!InboxX

Let's "JUST" be friends.

Hair Attention Makes Me Sad.

Doctor's Orders.

facing a fear of dogs doctors

BOYFRIEND CHEATING ON YOU WITH HIS DAD??

First off. Do you realize how many times this Boy Friends Dad topic comes up? This is not normal. Your boyfriend's dad may as well be the other woman.

So remember back when you guys were long distance and he was cheating on you? He still is. With his dad. At the very least. He's not cheating on you Sexually with his dad, but he is mentally by having his partnership and loyalties lie more heavily with his dad than with you. It's not right.

You need to watch this.

ERRUPTIVE INSPIRATION

action plan d

OUR FRIEND NEEDS SUPPORT

DEAR OVERLY SERIOUS DEPRESSED PERSON

WHEN I SAID YOU COULD PAY ME

FIRST PERSON TO drop out OF THE INSPIRATION NEWSLETTER

WRONG WAY STREET

MUTHER FUCKIN internet addict.

Thank You for that there Advice!
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